Comments : All Out Of Love

  • I like this poem. I think most people have a relationship like this at some point in their life.

  • 10 years ago

    by Robert Anthony

    NICE! ......

  • 10 years ago

    by Strange and Beautiful

    Great Job! I loved your poem! Once again... FANTASTIC!!! :)
    5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    To me, there's a lot of room for improvement in this piece. You try so hard to rhyme, and it really shows. I felt like, you attempted to find good rhymes, and couldn't so you just dealt with the ones you had and somehow found random ways to shove the words in there. It just didn't work for me. The flow broke a lot because of the rhymes, and it took away from the piece.

    Your not worth a dime
    `You're

    With your heart on duty part-time
    `I do adore this concept ... "part-time" -- it's witty, a nicely picked metaphor for a heart that isn't fully in love.

    It was okay, to me. It wasn't absolutely stunning, but it wasn't horrible either. Work on it. Definitely check on your syllabication. Overall, it was just ... mediocre. Try using more imagery -- express without just simply telling. SHOW the reader what these emotions you're attempting to express look like.

    I look forward to reading more of your work.

    ..__MiNDYY

  • 10 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Your not worth a dime"
    -You're, not your.

    "No can ever fix your damage"
    -Noone, not no.

    "They'd have to fix it from the start "
    -I wouldn't use fix again right in the next line, maybe use a synoynm for fix.

    Great poem and great message that you are all out of love and you're left with a broken heart.. great work 5/5.

  • 10 years ago

    by Kaila

    Last stanza thrid line:
    No can ever fix your damage
    *I think you mean no one
    But I'm not too sure. The emotion was lacking for me and I didn't really understand it. 3/5

  • 10 years ago

    by NicoleBaby101

    AWSOME!!!!!!

  • 10 years ago

    by NicoleBaby101

    AWSOME!!!!!!

  • 10 years ago

    by NicoleBaby101

    AWSOME!!!!!!