This is so beautifully written... the flow is great..
very emotional write.. it seems you have writen it from heart...
'Her dad lived on alcohol all his life,
And her mom cut herself with a knife.
Her dad had a women in another town,
And her mom's pregnant because she slept around.
Her mom calls her a brat and a know-it-all,
And takes pleasure from seeing her fall.'
^^ this stanza is so powerful... i could feel the frustation and remorse within these lines..
'Prays to get away from it all,
"God catch me before I Fall." '
i thought it will be long poem as it story but i find out that you did it in good way every word got the right place and i feel now like i know all the story,nice flow and i like the end its heart touch well done and i hope to read more of ur work soon 5/5 is the less i can do.
One little girl who tries to escape,
And running from her own fate.
No one knew or talked to her at all,
Nobody answered her call.
`I feel like you should work on your syllabication. Your words are nice, and the concept is a beautiful one, but syllabication works the flow and when you're rhyming, that's a huge thing to look at.
And her mom cut herself with a knife
`I feel like you could've been more creative with a lot of these lines, especially this one. Besides the mother part, it's a phrase that's use often and I felt you could've been more original, because I've always been a fan of your work, and I've seen better.
You use a lot of "her" or "she" in the last couple of stanzas, and it takes away from the potency of the piece itself. The quality of the poem sort of shoots up and back down again -- like a roller coaster. It has its moments, but it could be more creatively written.
A lot of your rhymes sound forced ... Like you couldn't think of anything else and you just shoved them in there somehow to make them fit. Overall, the piece was really good -- the emotion is there. It creates a saddening aura, and that's a powerful thing to be able to do, but I wish you were more inventive at a lot of points.
I don't want to break your five streak, because I feel like you deserve a four point five, so I'll just five you a five :)
A simply stunning piece of poetry. beautiful words, but painful meaning at the same time. i really adored this piece, it moved me
She called for help as she weeped and cried,
But she knew one day she'd fly.
How she wished to just runaway,
But she had no where else to stay.
Reality flashed before her dreams,
and nothing was what it seems.
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
i think that this stanza relates to me more then the rest and that's probably why i like it so much.