Comments : Can You Hear Me?

  • 9 years ago

    by Love is a Beautiful Thing

    This is great i love this poem great job 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Love is a Beautiful Thing

    I know exactlly what you're talking about great job i really like this one

  • 9 years ago

    by H E Losey

    A good idea for this write though I wonder at how long you took working it before you posted?
    First stanza correct the time framing as you have present and past in the same line/sentence.
    Fourth stanza I would swap line one ans two sort of like:
    "So can you hear my desperate need
    these simple things from you I plead."
    Fifth stanza third line needs editing, two"didn't"s.
    I think if you come back to this write and massage it for metre/flow/rhythm it will turn out as nice a rhyme as you want it to be.

  • 9 years ago

    by Still Slightly Broken

    Very very good.

    I really know how you feel.

    5/5

    :)

    Keep it up.

    xx

  • 9 years ago

    by xoxSwissCheesexox

    This is such a good poem!! Awesome job!!

    =D

  • 9 years ago

    by Lifeless juggalette

    Nice one i really like your peom it was really sad i went though this a lot i just hope you make more good and great poems

  • Man that kinda questions u abt ur friends, like f they r really there 4 u or not.. I like it!!! Its good work and ur welcome 4 the comment!!!

  • 9 years ago

    by Goth marionette

    Oh woww..that was incredible..but u know WHAT i LIKED the most was
    I will never be able to forget you at all
    And how you never did hear my call.

    It's really true that we cannot forget pple who give up on us that is why it leaves scars n our hearts and it hurts badly and especially when they r close to us...
    good job..keep it up;)

  • 9 years ago

    by Sora Lynn

    A lovely poem keep up the good work! =]