Short fall

by cory   Jun 17, 2008


Walking slowly to the edge
Thoughts of leaping from the ledge
Things so small you see below
Feel the gust as the wind doth blow

The reaper stares right in your face
So you leap to his embrace
Final freedom, like a bird
What is real has been obscured

Realizations of the past
Your life flips by so very fast
All these thoughts will be your last
You hit the ground, Your will is cast

0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by divine divinity

    Short, dark, intense, emotional. Beautifully written, very expressive. I like how its short, its to the point, it happens so fast, just like suicide, those left behind think it happened all too fast. Superb poem once again.

  • 15 years ago

    by victoria

    Very visual..and great.I enjoy the effect/feeling of it. The wrods u chose.."You will a cast" is great. I love ur writing.

    victoria

  • 15 years ago

    by claire

    Okay, so the line "tumbling like a doll" definitely does not fit - maybe "tumbling, tumbling, like a doll" all on one line or something cause the way it is the cadence doesnt work, no offense, unless you read it like "tum-ble-ing, like a doll". also, the last verse should not be a splat. if you're going to describe the impact, you have to realize that it isnt quite a splat - there is crashing and shatering and splitting AND splatting. i like it the way it is anyway - "you will is cast" is so dramatic!

  • 15 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    The only thing I see wrong with your last stanza is the second line, not enough syllables, other than that I like the ending. I agree with the above, maybe try beefing up the middle if anything.

  • 15 years ago

    by needing a miracle

    Actually i like the last stanza. maybe when you complete it, you can find something to fill in in the middle somewhere to make the last stanza stand out more. i cant wait to reread it when its revised.