Comments : Waste

  • 15 years ago

    by Melissa

    Haunting, emotional, and quite original. I adore this piece, very nice wording.

    "an eternal struggle wet like cement
    unformed, unoriginal, grey
    i sit inside like a lonely outsider"

    ^^^I especially love these lines, very touching!

  • 15 years ago

    by Viola

    I understand this much better now than when I first read it. Your words are powerful. They draw a vivid map of your mind to me.

    "skintight inside of this diving bell
    fingernails down to the bone;
    scratching at the seams."

    ^the struggle here is very clear. I love love the diving bell comparison. Oh perfection.

    "an eternal struggle wet like cement
    unformed, unoriginal, grey"

    ^these are actually my favourite lines becuase they pretty much some up life very well and realistically. life is a battle, and not always a pretty one at that.

    "and when i don't fit into double zero clothes
    i wonder if you'll ever look back."

    ^i don't know who 'you' refers to, but i think it can refer to everyone around you. i hope you're being smart about this though..it can get out of hand quite quickly.

    Overall, this poem is beautiful. It describes an isolation and the struggles within a family very well. Says a lot about human relationships and their effect on the individual.
    I was touched. You words are profound Lucy. Keep it up! :)
    --Viola

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Great choice of words and it's deep

  • 15 years ago

    by silvershoes

    You are a bit racist, arn'cha! Ha. Well, struggle and strive. No family is without secrets, and we all take a turn feeling disjointed. Good job expressing the dimensions of emotion, for "things" are generally not black and white, while keeping the story behind, personal. SHIZAM

  • 15 years ago

    by Blueleo

    Dark and twisted ripping emotion twisting and grinding to search for a feeling. I like it.

  • 15 years ago

    by Mo

    This was such an amazing read. You really deserve the win - congratulations my friend!! :) Loved the layers you painted of your family and all its faults - amazingly each one has them... but I loved the imagry you provided the reader with through your words - flippin bril piece - you really write well beyond your years.

    xxx

  • 15 years ago

    by Cassie

    Wow man i really liked this poem! gd job!

  • 15 years ago

    by Jodie Phillips

    A brilliant write, love the flow and choice of words...outstanding well done.

  • 15 years ago

    by Sungrl And Mrs Whatsit

    Basically.......Brilliant!
    I am your new fan.

  • 15 years ago

    by Aliah

    Wow. absolutely brilliant. =)

  • 15 years ago

    by PorcelainMoon

    I remember this nice girl.

    good write.

  • 15 years ago

    by mistressxsork

    Well, that was deff. something. This is my favorite poem for the day. Be proud. Good work!
    Overall Rating: 5/5

    By the way, how are you?

  • 15 years ago

    by Nicko

    Congrats, Sorry for not commenting on this earlier but I was on an enforced sabbatical when you wrote this.

    Very deep, very personal, your emotions portrayed very well creating good imagery, the inner sanctum of a family a peculiar place.

    Cheerz Nicko

  • 13 years ago

    by Prophecies In Kodak

    I truly miss you, and your writing.