Comments : Anorexia nervosa poem

  • 9 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    Wow. This is so sad, because anorexia is a horrible thing to suffer from. But I really enjoyed it, because it brings attention to something that takes over many peoples lives.

    Good job.

    5/5

    -Briana

  • 9 years ago

    by InvisiblyHeartless

    Wow. this is terribly sad. im sorry. its hard to watch this and similar things take over others lives. this was well written. i liked it but i didnt because its sad. it brings light to something important in the world.
    creative
    good job!

    Lexie

  • 9 years ago

    by Mister 47

    A good poem , jsut i would apreicate it much if you split into paragraphs so the rhym show more ,
    good luck for your friend , i hope he recover soon

  • 9 years ago

    by Prasad Ramesh Baadkar

    Gr8 dedication little caring one..

    keep it up

    Best wishz... Karan:)

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "How much I weight now"
    -Did you mean to say weigh?

    "I can be whole day without eating"
    -Did you mean to say.. "I can go a whole day without eating...." ??

    "Everyone likes thin girls,
    haven't you realize?"
    -Realize should be realized.

    "Welcome to world of anorexia
    where there is no mercy for fatties"
    -I loved this last line.

    Overall, an okay poem. The wording sometimes didn't go very well, but overall.. Good. 4/5.

  • 9 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    Thin, thinner, the thinnest
    fat, fatter, me
    `I loved this. I thought it was an extremely unique use of ... I don't know what to call it, but sticking in "me" in there was just clever.

    I can be whole day without eating
    `I agree with what Faith said. Is that what you were going for, because as the fragment is, it doesn't make sense.

    I want to fit in small size
    `I did not like the choice of adding this in there. The wording was flimsy, and it made the piece sound child-like.

    haven't you realize?
    `should be "realized" . Watch verb tense.

    Why to show you a pearl
    when I can show you an empty shell
    `I ADORE this metaphor! The symbolism is stunning. I've never seen it that way, nor have I ever seen "pearl" used in a piece about anorexia.

    So the technical stuff, the flow was consistent, but some of your word choices were just ... weird. They didn't make the piece really pounce at you, but it still stuck out in its own way, which is good and usually not easy to do.

    ..__MiNDYY

  • 9 years ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Noor this is an exxcellent piece, in content and on it's technical merit. I like how you seperated the question towards the end. This gave it optimum impact.

    Well done on this piece. I shall nominate this for many reasons, one of them being so its message can reach a wider audience.

    Well done

    Michael

  • 9 years ago

    by Blueleo

    Indeed this is a very good piece. I wish society is different. This world can be very cruel without that added stress of fitting the perfect image. I agree with Michael that this is a needed piece in todays world. I do hope it reaches more people. Thanks for a great read.

  • 9 years ago

    by blue angel

    "simplicity is a beauty". Its a very simple poem yet very striking and true. I really like the part about the pearls. Great Job!!! ( too sad for your friend though)

  • 9 years ago

    by Ezzey

    Very well wrutten and very descriptive !
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Thin, thinner, the thinnest
    fat, fatter, me

    All this weight
    Is what I can see

    Slim, slimmer, slimmest
    Want to be just like you

    Can go a whole day without eating
    if this way my dreams will come true

    Small, smaller, the smallest
    Want to fit in small size

    Everyone likes thin girls,
    haven't you realized?

    Why show you a pearl
    when I can show you an empty shell

    Who cares about the inside
    what outside can not tell

    Eat little. less, the least
    beat your inner beast

    Welcome to world of anorexia
    where there is no mercy for fatties

    The second stanza needs tweaked a little and if you remove a couple of the I's especiallt the repetitive ones at the beginning of stanzas, I think that will improve the quality of the poem. The emotional content was thought provoking and the structure was unique and clever. I liked the poem and think you did deserve to win.

  • 9 years ago

    by Boy

    This poem is really amzingly written. every single word speaks alot in this poem.. good sue of forms .. a veru very unique and intresting view to write a poem..

    i loved it.. i will pray for your friend aswel..
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Grant Gilbert AKA Slash

    First i have to say conrats on winning , and no i'm not going to give a lesson in english i think enough has been said about that,what i have to commend you on is that you're always trying to improve your english so all in all very well done on writing on a difficult and emotional subject, even more so when it's someone you know

    Grant

  • 9 years ago

    by Kait

    Congratulations on winning. i absolutely love the way that you wrote this poem. it shows the inner side of anorexia and how that person feels deep down inside about their body. it's such a real poem, and so close to home. all girls feel that way at some point and it's always hard to witness someone struggle. i hope you keep writing. let it all out. again, congratulations. and this was a great poem!

  • 9 years ago

    by LoreNz0

    A very strong poem, one that raises a good issue. ur friend has my blessings.

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Very original style with a powerful thought provoking theme

  • 9 years ago

    by Elyse

    This is So SO SO sad but so so so true, people feel this way from years of being bullied and seeing, the popular girls are extremely thin. if you are an anerexic it doesn't change your status. I'm extremely small, bu naturaly like that and my status has been the same the entire time i've been alive. just floating on the water, not under it and not flying high.

    Good job

  • 9 years ago

    by Adna

    You just discribed me and my life
    thankz

    Anyways i was wondering if i could write this pome in my diary you know ill say it was by you and no one will ever see it

    pls reply

    Adena

  • 9 years ago

    by nena

    I loved the last line......... amazing

  • 9 years ago

    by Strange and Beautiful

    This was such a strong great poem!!!
    I loved it!!!!
    It gave me chills.
    Anorexia is very scary!
    I'm sorry for your friend!
    Congrats on winning!