Very solid write! Even if I got a little lost in some spots, the ending really did a lovely job of cinching everything together.

A few things that might help the overall impact of your poem: Firstly, you switch tenses around a lot in your last stanza and I think if you kept everything in present tense it would have more power. For example, in the line "Once pure, now corrupted; innocent, now disgraced" You could change corrupted to corrupt and disgraced to disgrace. It has the same meaning, but carries a heavier punch, I think.

Also, I'd love to see more about this "tarnished soul." As it is, you tell me "Her life takes a turn, and falls out of place" But maybe if you could add a few lines and expand upon the destruction.

Other than that, very well done : )
+Veg

I didn't fancy some of your rhymes. They seemed weak, and chosen only because you couldn't think of anything else. And your syllabication bothers me. Normally, it's not such a big thing, but here, I felt like it affected the beginning half of the piece, which is why I'm pointing it out. It made the flow...somewhat flimsy, but as it hits the second half, it's flawless and is actually a good read.

it's
`its

In the beginning, you do a nice job portraying the dark in her life--what it has become and such, but it felt more telling rather than showing, and the words were so blatant... like you describe it, and then you repeat it, only in obvious terms, and it felt ... odd. I'm still debating whether or not I liked that.

But then you hit later in the piece, and I think the ending couplet is what makes the piece powerful. You start out sort of mild, but dark, and then you end with a bang. I liked that you didn't actually come out and say what made her life go off--it leaves the reader questioning. Was it a loss of love? A death? Did something horrible happen to her, like rape? It's mysterious, but the emotion still reaches you even though you don't know why s/he's experiencing them.

Nice write.
..__MiNDYY

This title was creative and will be attractive. i liked the general idea of this poem. but i think the line length was disturbing the flow a little bit. it made the way i read this harder. and i also think that your rhymes sounded forced, weak, and unfitting. it tarnishes the piece. but i loved your wording here
"Once pure, now corrupt; innocent, now disgrace "
overall good!

Lexie

I think, that even though the lines were a bit uneven like you said, i think that this piece is very sad but beautifully worded. every single word you chose has paid off, because i found the way you put those words together amazing.
the rhyme was a little off, here and there, but i don't think it was weak or anything. the title was just perfect.

you are a very unique writer and, despite the rhyme being a little off and the lines uneven, i give you a : 5/5

a beautiful write, brilliant read

Keep Writing, hun
As Always,
~NinjaGirl~

I liked this poem alot... even though some of lines were uneven it fit the poem. you know what i mean? .. it didnt make the rhymes seemed force or anything like that...

and i love the part that says "each tear thats been shed,kills a little more" or somethin like that lol it got to me. i loved it

5/5

Definatly a really good read. It's sad. But you expressed so very well what you've become. It was a really good poem, like you said.. the lines were uneven but it didn't hurt the flow too much. Great work. 5/5.

Yes I believe the rhythm is very easy to pick up I love the personal depth of this poem
This is well written I can relate to
I enjoyed reading it

Yes very sad and true. the struggle for purity is no walk in the sun. i really liked the way you described it. im sure the words mean much more to you then a mere reader. its always difficult knowing how much your own work means to you and being unsure if people will understand the meaning behind the words. dont feel guilty innocence is something that sadly is hindered as we grow up as im sure you know. thankfully ones we grow out of hormones, chosen innocence of age is even more beautiful than nieve innocence of youth. keep writing.

Wonderful write...

"a flawlessly tarnished soul "... brilliant.. I really like the use of flawless with tarnished... very impressive..

"Once pure, now corrupt; innocent, now disgrace
Her life takes a turn, and falls out of place
Unpredictably chaotic tragedies, spiraling out of control
And the effect of all these complications: a flawlessly tarnished soul "

^^ so very true.. I guess there are a lot of "flawlessly tarnished souls" around us...
excellent write..

Ya the flow was little off in someplaces but that didnt matter to me coz i really enjoyed reading it...

keep writing..

You were right about the lines being uneven, but also right about the read being good. I found this to be really beautiful.

"Once pure, now corrupt; innocent, now disgrace
Her life takes a turn, and falls out of place..."

^^ I like the punctuation used here. It gives the poem more flow and makes it more interesting. The contrasting images create something beautiful as well, like an oxymoron, considering the poem focuses on this person's demise.

Nicely done. I really enjoyed the read.

Wow, lots of emotion came from this poem and your rhyme scheme was very good..
This life so insignificant; every action without consequence
^^A dominant cold heart, with cruelties so intense
Belittles every being, leaves them lying on the ground
While her hopes have been shattered, a new life she has found^^

The first stanza and my fac... the words you used gave great descriptions and in 4 lines you compacted a lot of stuff =D Great poem and good job 5/5

I like the smooth ending. gr8 job:)

Maybe.. but the read is good. so it doesn't really matter. the descriptions are just so strong.. and very well written, that you don't even notice the lines are uneven..

but it's just so sad.. really makes you think after reading..
wonderful writing.. keep going

5/5

Isnt it sad what experiences in life can turn us into? I really felt this poem, because it hits close to home for me. I've done things that I am not proud of because I've let my soul become tarnished over the years. You wrote this very well and it expressed the tragedy of how one can become corrupt by life.

First off, the title is quite eye catching. and the poem itself was unique. this is quite a creative write. you really kno how to atrract a reader's attention and keep it that way.

Each tear that's been shed, kills a little more
Her insides slowly dying, starting from the core
Her indifference prevails; her body grows numb
She can hardly acknowledge, this person she's become

that stanza did it for me. it was great. flawless. i think those lines really brought out the poem, and perhaps it's meaning. you did an excellent job on this one, keep it up. 5/5.

-Ashlei.