Comments : Life's Paradise of tragedy

  • 9 years ago

    by ReBecca

    Very deep.

    Yet be quick! Be rash, be stupid and human.
    Bury yourself in happiness, joy and love.
    Your fortress, your wall of resistance
    Hide and meditate, yet feverishly accept
    The inevitable destruction of your existence.

    This part stuck out for me because I am very private (cold some say. Either way... it hit.

  • 9 years ago

    by Romancing the Darker Side

    Wow. This poem really hot home for me. The sad part is, it's all true- we expect life to be perfect and bury ourselves in things like love. They're like our little walls that hold us up, but underneathe, well that is where the truth in life lies.

    I liekd the first stanza except I think the third line was too long. You say love and hapiness elsewhere in the poem, so perhaps removing one of those words would help the flow.

    Second stanza- "Due to unfortunate trickery and deceit... Called life" oh, the truth. I love this line. Life is nothing but deceit and lies. I love it.

    Oh how I adore the third stanza. When something goes wrong in someone's life, they see it as a small imperfection. It's much mroe than that however...

    I found nothing special about the fourth stanza. I thin kyou may have overdone it with the listing of all the different forms of pain, so maybe changing the third line to something else would help it stand out a ltitle better.

    Fifth stanza... Oh, the irony. We humans are weak and find strength only in lvoe... foolish yet true.

    The sixth stanza was a really nice way to close the poem. You wrapped everything up very nicely and I found it to be an enjoyable read.

    ~Ash aka Romancing

  • 9 years ago

    by Lizaveta

    Wow. i kept reading this poem again and again. this is such a unique way to describe LIFE just as it is.... yet so true.
    I love the contradictions and contrasts in your poem:
    "Bury yourself in happiness, joy and love"
    "Perfect, with its impurities"
    ant the title is also contradictory. maybe it tells that everything is relative in life..
    the beginning really impressed me. it's such a strong metaphor (doors of hell and paradise). we always have choice in our life, though how hard it can be!
    Car crashes, train smashes, killing sprees! - this line kinda draws several pictures of life, so quick and dinamic.

    omg i feel i can't write a really constructive or just well-organised comment because this poem caused so many emotions.....
    the last 2 lines are my favourite, though there are so many parts i also loved so much.

    Disaster and loss don't matter. Are simply unimportant
    Open the box of emotions!! Wreak my havoc again...

    overall, what i found special about the poem i that you can take any line or 2 lines and they will mean a lot even taken away of the poem.
    it's so hard to paint life, to describe it fully, even in your mind. this attemt seems successful.
    i een don't see any things to criticize or suggest, though usually i do. this poem is developed, deep and... mature, that's the word i was looking for.
    i add it to my favourites.
    5/5
    there are million of toughts and images going through my head right now. the poem really makes you think, but not only does it ask questions (there are so many poems asking questions about meaning of life), but also gives some answers.... mabe i'm idealizing it, but this is the best poem i've read lately.

  • 9 years ago

    by Bugg

    I thought this was really good and it made me think about the world around me. I don't really think about all the bad things happening, but this poem showed me what I'm not paying attention to. I thought that the imagery you used was amazing.

  • 9 years ago

    by SilentSuicide

    Wonderful. your word choice is amazing. keep writing<3

  • 9 years ago

    by StefQ

    Not quite my kind of poems since i'm an optimist but anyway still nice poem, well written altough you kinde wnadered away at the third and fourth stanza.
    You should try to make poems easy to relate to people but just naming horrible things are too hard.

    First stanza:
    Reminded me of one of shakespeares poems when he writes about his love. The vocabulary in the first stanz is top notch and the only flaw i could find is the lengts of the third line.

    2nd stanza:
    "Special days, black days and normal"
    I dont know it sounds wrong to me, especially the normal. And i dont like the use of "though", it just doesnt fit in a poem.
    Liked the last line, and i think you don't need the 3 dots.

    3rd & 4th Stanza
    this is just off for me, life isn't perfect but you only say the bad things about life, love isn't an illusion or is it a wall it's THE thing that life offers you, evilness and darkness that's the real illusion.
    Oh and i liked the fourth stanza but it would sound better if you would just remove "rape","Hatred" , "Misery" and "Unsuccesful in".

    5th Stanza
    Well as i said above i dont agree with the image of love being the wall which is used to hide from actually life it self; No it's the bad things in life that distract you ( form a wall around you) to keep you from finding love and being happy. Don't think i need to give an example for this, but it's true if you think about it.

    6th stanza
    Nothing more to say then nice ending, Poem about life that ends with havoc, Brilliant!

    If it were able i'd give you 4.5/5 but since there is no button for it, i'll give you a 5 ;)

    peac

  • 9 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    "Heaven's doors are locked and bolted
    Hells are wide open like an amorous lady
    Her door ajar for the opportunity of the love he may bring
    Past experiences entwined with fantasy"

    ^^ I loved this stanza. It's a perfect way to begin a poem. My favourite line of the stanza is the second line -- it made me giggle, rofl, and I thought your word choice was brilliant.

    "Special days, black days and normal
    All blend together to give them life's colour
    Hopelessly they are colour blind though,
    Due to unfortunate trickery and deceit... Called life"

    ^^ Ooh. The last line is wonderful. Matter of fact, this whole stanza is perfect.

    "Car crashes, train smashes, killing sprees!
    Mutilation and torture, now picture life
    Perfect. Perfect. Perfect, with its impurities..."

    ^^ Oh, wow. This is my favourite part of the poem. The rhyming is magnificent. The third line -- "its" should be "it's", I think, though.

    "Tears, rape and loss of beauty
    Hatred, loathing and hopelessness...
    Misery, evil and darkness surround you
    Unsuccessful in attempting to hide from the pain"

    ^^ Gah! David -- your words are.. just beautiful. I cannot get over this. This stanza is perfectly written. Not a flaw to be found.

    "Yet be quick! Be rash, be stupid and human.
    Bury yourself in happiness, joy and love.
    Your fortress, your wall of resistance
    Hide and meditate, yet feverishly accept
    The inevitable destruction of your existence"

    ^^ AH! I loved this. I can totally hear the first line being spoken by an actor from a Shakespearean [if that is the right word] play. Wonderfullll!

    "Life is simply an adventure, one respite over another
    Cover the pain; futilely store the aching soreness away
    Disaster and loss don't matter. Are simply unimportant
    Open the box of emotions!! Wreak my havoc again..."

    ^^ I thought the ending was, like the rest of the poem, wonderful. My only suggestion is in the last line, remove the "!!" from the end of "emotions" or make it two lines.

    Overall; It was amazing. I'm blown away. 5/5

    ``Briana

  • 9 years ago

    by LadyPearl

    Very interesting title and subject. The fifth and 6th stanzas are my favorite. There's sort of a sarcastic undertone to the poem. You do have a point in this poem that life's "paradise" that we live can often times be caused by our own denial of "tragedy"

  • 9 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Car crashes, train smashes, killing sprees!
    Mutilation and torture, now picture life
    Perfect. Perfect. Perfect, with its impurities...

    My sweet fried David,

    it the last line you captured the essence of what we are: imperfect with our impurities. It is ok to be imperfect, only God is perfect. We, as human should not desire to be, what would be the use? We are only here to learn from our mistakes and from eachother.

    Love always,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 9 years ago

    by CrazyNlove

    So good. i love it. you still can write the most amazing poems. love it for realz. byez

  • 9 years ago

    by rachael

    Cool but..Perfect, with its impurities...sounds good but can you please explain, thankyou
    rach=)

  • 9 years ago

    by rachael

    Cool but..Perfect, with its impurities...sounds good but can you please explain, thankyou
    rach=)

  • 9 years ago

    by Gasttlee

    I like how you make your descriptions here. Especially the part about life. 5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by xPerfect Chaosx

    When you opened this up right away it made itself clear in what direction it was heading. Honestly, this is a great poem in the sense that it hits close to home. All anyone ever seems to talk about is the bad, and the worse. There is no real joy in the world anymore, at least not on the news. But we must keep some joy in our lives, lest we all go entirely insane. I like the blunt honesty in this poem because it compels the reader to listen to what you have to say.

    Hopelessly they are colour blind though,
    Due to unfortunate trickery and deceit... Called life

    This is true, the world around us is full of beauty if only we could truly see it. You speak to the soul in this poem David!

    Yet be quick! Be rash, be stupid and human.

    Way to summon up humanity in a single line. That is probably our one major failing, rashness. You've touched the deeper roots of the issue at stake here.

    Cover the pain; futilely store the aching soreness away
    Disaster and loss don't matter. Are simply unimportant

    It's easier to store the pain away than to face it openly. It's certainly easier, but not always right. But we as humans are invariably drawn towards what is easier, and then we pray for the best. You're a great poet David and I can't wait for more of your work. =]

    *Danielle