Comments : Floods of Tattoo Dreams

  • 15 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    Wow, ten new poems? XD You've been busy while you were away.

    Ahh, fix it all the "Iâ??d"'s Haha, I hate it when it does that. ><

    And your pale fingers never actually seem to turn the key;
    This lock I fight is forever toyed with and stained,
    by the many scrapes that your hesitation has caused.
    `` Oooh, it's like.. he won't go that extra step. I don't exactly know what he won't do, but he won't do something, and you want him to. Bad. I love the metaphor!

    At first, Iâ??d have become enraged by your actions,
    (or lack of any, if weâ??re going for a little accuracy here.)
    Though, given the circumstances of our drought,
    Iâ??m not surprised that you remain without tears.
    `` Lack of actions. So... he's not what..? Oh man, my imagination could run wild here. So many things are popping into my mind. I love that, giving just enough room in a poem for the reader to make it fit into their own life.

    The infallible repute of your wretched lies exceed you,
    just as my tastes have finally grown to rise past us--
    `` Hmmm.. grown tired of your relationship? Loooove your word choice! ^.^

    My blind eyes give vision now, and it most saddens me,
    that I make such effort to embed only a mundane memory.
    `` Are you saying that you were blinded by.. love? but now you see him for who he really is, and not just the wonderful person you thought he was?

    But unlike the perforated lungs that lay murdering your heart,
    your tongue just never seems to slow down.
    `` I'm not exactly sure what the first line means, but the second one I think is saying he can't stop talking, maybe if you dig deeper it could mean he can't stop telling lies.

    Though Iâ??m hoping that in the next ten minutes or so,
    youâ??ll finally talk too fast and bite yourself in the arse.
    (God knows itâ??d save me a mint and a stick of gum.)
    But hey, you can always choke on your jagged words some more,
    before swallowing becomes too hard because your lies
    poked too many holes as they traveled down your throat.
    `` Oh man, this is definitely my favorite stanza, so far. I didn't even want to break it up. XD I looove the sarcasm dripping from this one. It made me laauugghh. It kind of gives you a break from all the sad stuff that was before it, too. Briilliiaannnt. :]

    Itâ??s such a shame that itâ??s come down to this:
    Youâ??d think that after the first few times, youâ??d have learned,
    that without a brain in that hollow socket of yours,
    you shouldnâ??t go jumping off of cliffs without a life jacket--
    And maybe a helmet to protect the only thing you have going for you:
    The reflection of a beauty that never wouldâ??ve happened anyway.
    `` And the sarcam continues! Mwuhahahaha. I love how you called him stupid without actually saying it. I wonder if he could even figure it out. [Wow, I'm talking about this person like he's actually real and I don't even know if he is or not! But that's greeaaat, because your poem is so good it makes me think he's real.]

    But who am I to destroy your hopes and dreams?
    (the same way you tried to eradicate mine.)
    `` Hahaha! Amazing ending. I love iiit. It's like revenge.

    I loved every single little incy wincy thing about this poem. Your word choice was amazing, as were all the metaphors. Sorry, if this comment doesn't make sense, I was talking to my friend and writing this out at the same time. XD

    Greeaatt Joobb!

    _.CAYCE.- [Ahhh, I want a cool way to sign my name. >< Help me? XD]

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Okay, first off.. you had a few "glitches" with the words or whatever. Like you must have copied and pasted it and it came out gibberish.

    Anyways, to the amazing poem. :]

    "And your pale fingers never actually seem to turn the key;"
    `To be extremely honest with you, I didn't really like how you started the poem with "And..." it's just like starting a sentence with because or something, it doesn't work very well. In my opinion. I would just take the and out. I don't think it's really needed here. But then again, it's up to you. :]

    "At first, I�d have become enraged by your actions,
    (or lack of any, if we�re going for a little accuracy here.)"
    `I loved how you put that little note in parentheses, I love how you do those things. It adds more thought and sense into the poem. It's something unique I've seen in your poems that I truly love.

    "The infallible repute of your wretched lies exceed you,"
    `Wooo. Wonderful words, darling. Infallible, repute, wretched, exceed.. All very good descriptive words. Perfectly said!

    "just as my tastes have finally grown to rise past us--
    My blind eyes give vision now, and it most saddens me,"
    `I used to write like this. But, I realized dashes aren't really neded. They are useless. What's the purpose? But it's the way people write. I don't think that my would be capitolized though if you put the dashes in there. I've noticed your puncuation and capitolization is a bit off in the piece, just because I'm a grammar freak, you know. So I notice those things.

    "My blind eyes give vision now, and it most saddens me,
    that I make such effort to embed only a mundane memory."
    `Mundane. Embed. Interesting word choice. I seriously have never heard of those words, but you can infer most definatly with this poem. Good job. You have definatly got your way with words. I love it. :]

    "But unlike the perforated lungs that lay murdering your heart,
    your tongue just never seems to slow down."
    `Murdering was such a great word to use here, very descriptive!
    Overall, this write was sad. But, honestly you did a fabulous job. I guess the topic is kind of one of those things that could fit in several categories. I suppose it's kind of okay where you have it now. Awesome title darling! It's very intruiging and a total eye-catcher.. pull me in the poem .. I wanna read.. kinda thing. :] Wonderful write.. again. You definatly have your way with words. They are amazing! Well thought out poem. Great job, keep posting new poems. I look forward to them. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    Oooh, by the way. Maybe put it in.. lost love? Lost relationship? Something like that. Or you could just put it in sad or love in "other". Haha.

  • 15 years ago

    by Blissful

    Ooh this title just captured my attention and I had to read it!

    1st Stanza.
    I just adored the first line here because it just lured me in with its flawless imagery and beauty behind words. I could the your heart damaged by this love you want to work but it seems to be one-sided. The part about hesitation touched my heart because I could relate with it immensly. LOVED your use of imagery here, it had me anxious to read more.

    Though, given the circumstances of our drought,
    I'm not surprised that you remain without tears.
    ^I loved how this flowed off my tongue. It seemed so effortless and held such power and meaning.

    2nd Stanza.
    Hmm this stanza I have mixed feelings about. Your choice of words were superb but it felt like you forced them in there. It didnt really flow you know? After reading the stanza a couple of times with pauses I do understand the full meaning behind it but after reading it once I was left.."huh" Maybe thats just me but I dont this stanza was iffy for me although your imagery was flawless.

    3rd Stanza.
    AHHH AMAZINGGG.

    "But hey, you can always choke on your jagged words some more,
    before swallowing becomes too hard because your lies
    poked too many holes as they traveled down your throat."
    ^The image of this in my mind was flawlesssss. You described this so beautifully I was left ine awe! WOW. Noting left to say but I'm speechless.

    4th Stanza.
    The metaphorical writing here blew me away! Beautifully said my dear. Phrases like "life jacket" and "hollow socket" held such meaning. Loved it all from beginning to end.

    The ending was perfect. Tied everything in flawless.

    Well done my dear.
    *5/5*

  • 15 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    This poem was one of the better poems I've read on here so far this past week or so. I can relate to it myself and I think we all can when it comes to deceit and lies. Some of us learn from our mistakes and others get caught up in the whole situation and never seem to recover from there loses. Excellent write and a for sure 5/5 GG23

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    A very well written poem, with deep feelings portrayed. I feel so much bitterness in your words, this person must have hurt you pretty bad...

    Take care and thanks for the nomination:)

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 15 years ago

    by Strange and Beautiful

    You are such a wonderful poet.
    You should publish your own poetry book.
    You write with so much passion and you super great at it. I love the emotion you put into your poems, and the words you use.
    You poetry is really appreciated by me.
    You are truely a great writer!!!!!
    Anyway this poem is great!
    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by MorbidCupcake

    Wow really really good
    I love how bitter it is and the fact that they didnt hold back at all
    It makes it more real