Sorrow Glistens in Darkened Eyes (Sonnet) ~contest~

by - Mr. Darcy   Aug 6, 2008


Swirling the blackness, provoking thought pools;
Contemplating how my life could have been;
If my precious childhood had been less cruel,
And not fixed to the bust of Satan's queen?
Deeply I inhale the coffee's bouquet,
Allowing it to trigger the darkness:
Memories of chicory and ashtrays,
And mothers words - such evil spitefulness,
"You useless, bastard runt....you disgust me!"
Everyday of my life this filth has churned,
Shaping and twisting my reality,
Until the hatred inside boiled and burned.
Blood stained hands strangle her profanity;
Glistening eyes spew dark insanity!

Note: This is my first attempt at a Sonnet :/

*Syllabel count corrected on lines 8 &12. Thanks RK*

M. Moran
10.16
03.08.08

6


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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Cindy

    This is very dark. Yet I find more sadness in your words then anything. Great job on the imagery.

    Swirling the blackness, provoking thought pools;
    Contemplating how my life could have been;
    If my precious childhood had been less cruel,

    This really breaks my heart. JUst thinking of the things some children endure and how it haunts them into adulthood.

    And mothers words - such evil spitefulness,
    "You useless, bastard runt....you disgust me!"
    Everyday of my life this filth has churned,
    Shaping and twisting my reality,

    Words can hurt us more then a slap. The slap's sting goes away quickly, but the pain of words stays in our minds forever reminding us how cruel someone who is suppose to love us can be.

    Until the hatred inside boiled and burned.
    Blood stained hands strangle her profanity;
    Glistening eyes spew dark insanity!

    Your ending sent chills up my spine. Not the usual sad love sonnet. You have done an excellent job on this write.
    Take care
    Cindy

  • 9 years ago

    by dante

    Pretty good for a first attempt lolo. love the last two lines, they have a lot of power

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    This was absolutely an amazing write. It was full of emotions which really came through and shined in thie poem, the reader could just feel the emotions reading it. I like you attempted to do the sonnet here, it was a nice twist to the poem. New styles are always fun to work with, I'm sure. Very dark write though, and full of sadness as well. Word choice - really blew me away here. Every word just wow'd me. Definatly worth my vote for contest nominations. Great job, Mr. Darcy.. Keep it up! 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Blissful

    Blew me away! Your words were flawless in creating this dark and haunted tone. The distrubing imagery you painted in my mind made me uneasy but I loved it because you made me feel something and thats what every great poet should do, make the reader feel an emotion. Im proud of you on your first sonnet because you wrote it flawlessly. Nothing left to say but you deserved to win. Well done. *5/5*

  • 9 years ago

    by gracey grey

    That which happened in childhood affect the present is very painful. Sadly, one tends to lash out the same in return for all bad deeds. Very touching poem.