Comments : Answer Me This Daddy.

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    "Tell me where's you heaven daddy
    Where does your soul reside
    Why'd you have to leave me here
    Why did you have to die"

    "Tell me where's you heaven daddy"
    This line kind of threw me It reads like a colloquial phrase, or esoteric line
    Tell me where's your heaven daddy would not be so hard to understand

    Other than that it is a very emotional first quatrain and sets the tone

    "Is it my fault for not stopping you
    Crying as you exited our driveway
    I knew I should have stopped you
    But I was too scared that horrible day"

    This quatrain is very easy to understand and is not distracting from the theme
    Maybe a question mark would be used in editing

    Tell me how it felt daddy
    To know that you abandoned me
    You never kept your promise, did you
    How did it feel to stand so unfaithfully

    Very emotionally charge and now bring the poem into the spiritual realm

    Did you ever think about me
    When you decided to drink and drive
    Maybe if you waited for that taxi
    You'd still be here, alive

    I can never forget your face
    Your smell, your welcoming eyes
    They haunt me in my dreams
    And torture me until I cry

    What I wouldn't give right now
    To see you one last time
    To hug, and kiss, and talk to you
    Finally, say those dreadful goodbyes

    So tell me where's you heaven daddy
    Where does your soul reside
    Why'd you have to leave me here
    Why did you have to die

    In general I cannot find much more to criticize about this poem

    It would be thought provoking even if it was written without the experience of losing a father this way. It did leave me wondering if it was based on your own experience

    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Mister 47

    Magificant work !!

    nothing jsut stroke me
    i think it is my persobnal best i think thsi one is really shpowing your feeligns

    and more it si rhyming

    jsut perfect !!!!

    add it to my favoirtes

  • 9 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    "Tell me where's you heaven daddy
    Where does your soul reside
    Why'd you have to leave me here
    Why did you have to die"

    -- I understand what you mean when you say that punctuation adds an auto-pause, but at the end of a question, you should always have a question mark. That's proper grammar, I believe. Also, to be quite frank, the first line doesn't make sense. I can't tell if you just forgot the "r" on "you", though.

    "Is it my fault for not stopping you
    Crying as you exited our driveway
    I knew I should have stopped you
    But I was too scared that horrible day"

    -- Aw. This is so sad. You can never blame yourself for the actions of others, so please don't.

    "Tell me how it felt daddy
    To know that you abandoned me
    You never kept your promise, did you
    How did it feel to stand so unfaithfully"

    -- Again, you should have question marks at the end of questions.

    "Did you ever think about me
    When you decided to drink and drive
    Maybe if you waited for that taxi
    You'd still be here, alive"

    -- Oh, my gosh. This almost brought me to tears. It's so sad. :[

    "I can never forget your face
    Your smell, your welcoming eyes
    They haunt me in my dreams
    And torture me until I cry"

    -- This is so emotional. I can't imagine how hard it must've been for you to write.

    "What I wouldn't give right now
    To see you one last time
    To hug, and kiss, and talk to you
    Finally, say those dreadful goodbyes"

    -- In this, you don't rhyme. I think you should work on that, since you rhyme throughout the rest of the poem.

    "So tell me where's you heaven daddy
    Where does your soul reside
    Why'd you have to leave me here
    Why did you have to die"

    -- See first stanza. :D

    Overall; I loved it. I thought it was sweet, and heartfelt. It really struck me in a way I'll never understand, because I still have my father. In any case, the poem is beautiful. Wonderul.

    Five out of five.

    ``Briana

  • 9 years ago

    by HvN

    I'm so sorry :[

    i know how you feel.

    good job, 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Tell me where's your heaven daddy?
    Where does your soul reside?
    Why'd you have to leave me here?
    Why did you have to die?"

    A wonderful opening to this poem, very emotional and sad.....

    "Is it my fault for not stopping you?
    Crying as you exited our driveway
    I knew I should have stopped you
    But I was too scared that horrible day"

    Heartfelt words here, but the repetition of stopped kind of threw me off, maybe try this: "I knew I should have ran after you"..
    Just an opinion.....

    "Tell me how it felt daddy
    To know that you abandoned me?
    You never kept your promise, did you?
    How did it feel to stand so unfaithfully?"

    I love your wording here, nice flow too....

    "Did you ever think about me
    When you decided to drink and drive?
    Maybe if you waited for that taxi
    You'd still be here, alive"

    Awww.....this is so sad, I can tell you wrote this straight from you heart. Wow, this truly made me sad reading this....

    "I can never forget your face
    Your smell, your welcoming eyes
    They haunt me in my dreams
    And torture me until I cry"

    This really shows how important your father was to you and how you miss him so, well expressed......

    "What I wouldn't give right now
    To see you one last time
    To hug, kiss, and talk to you
    And finally say those dreadful goodbyes"

    Again, good wording. I am so sorry, you must have went through so much pain and sadness and that is truly horrible to go through all that........

    Good ending too, I liked how you repeated the first stanza. Overall, a very emotional and heartfelt poem. Keep writing, always and forever.....

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Woaah, this poem like really almost made me cry, literally. This is such a sad, emotional piece. I loved the repitition of the first stanza as the last stanza, that was unique and worked well with the poem. Overall, a very well written poem... very sad. Written completely from your heart. It's very sad how you lost him, but it sure happens a lot. :\ Sad write, well done however.. 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Oh, yeah .. I just realized this.. you have a typo in your title - Answer not Anwser

    :]

  • 9 years ago

    by Michelle

    This is amazing. You have such great talent. Don't ever stop writing! I can relate to you. It's a hard situation, but you seem very strong. Don't ever blame yourself for bad consequences. You have to know it is not your fault. Hang in there :)
    Michelle

  • 9 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    The flow is kind of choppy, although I shouldn't be one to talk, and the grammar isn't all perfect... I suggest you go over it and make sure the syllabication is readable, and in other terms...

    The first verse is slightly cliche, although I've used lines much the same myself, and the rest of the poem is just... choppy.

    I think that if you had adopted a new pattern in this poem, you could have put so much more emotion into it. Reading this poem, I don't feel pain, I don't feel that much emotion, I just see words. I want to know what it was like when you knew him, I want to know what you miss, I don't really want to just know that you miss it. I make the same mistake a lot, I just give my raw emotions and I don't explain the before or the after, just the now... But I am trying to learn that everything has a story, and a poem should tell the whole entire story, not just a little snippet.

    But your poem is honest, something I do like about your poem. You talk about the things you'll never know of again, the things that you have to go without because of the death of your father, and it's a sad story... but it is just that, sad.

    You do need to work a tad on this poem, fill it in and up with your feelings, make your father seem alive in his death, and make your emotions dance on the page or the computer screen. This poem, to me, is a saunter. Make your poems fly =]

    Nice job, and I am sorry about your father if this is a true story.

    4/5
    ~Stephen White

  • 9 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    Just fyi, it is much better the second time around.
    I understand the flow, and although it's still choppy at times, it's not that bad.

    And I love your line "So tell me where's your heaven daddy?" It's interesting, and so I believe a change of heart must come to be.

    5/5

    ~Stephen White

  • 9 years ago

    by slighte

    Wow. this poem was amazing. it was sooo sad but you can tell that it was written from your heart.

    the rhyming and flow is good, and the questions throughout really made me feel your sadness and anger. the lirst stanza was a fantastic way to open and close the poem.

    i am truly sorry for your loss, please don't blame yourself for what happened.

    very sad but amazing piece.
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    Such a sad poem, excellent job though! There were a few minor mistakes but none so off-putting i feel they need pointing out, Great work, this poem was packed with a lot of emotion and it was very beautiful =]

  • 9 years ago

    by Happy without a reason

    I feel sorry about your daddy...

    beauiful poem... thx for sharing

  • 9 years ago

    by Wolf Haines

    "Tell me where's you heaven daddy
    Where does your soul reside"

    Those two lines jumped out at me, very searching words. Very mature yet youthful words, i like them.

    I couldnt fit into some of your lines, but i have not gone through what you have.

    But on the whole I definitely enjoyed the piece. Bene!

  • 9 years ago

    by Hermosa

    This is such a sad poem so heartfelt...i'm so sorry about you losing your daddy!!! There are so many that take their parents for granted until its too late. Your poem is magnificent. 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Kuro

    Simply amazing. i feel like i have almost gained a certain aspect of wisdom by taking this piece for what it is and trying to understand the feeling behind it... beautiful and touching

  • 9 years ago

    by Sora Lynn

    This poem was sad, yet beautiful at the same time. it was so caring and sweet. almost brought tears to my eyes! i love poems like these, because people's true emotions are expressed. and that is such a wonderful thing.
    i can somehow relate to this also somewhat because i've lost someone i've cared deeply for to a car accident. so you could say i can feel some of your pain. well, thank you for sharing this poem, i loved reading it. job well done. 5/5.

    -Ashlei.

  • 9 years ago

    by Vicki

    YOURE POEM LEFT ME SPEECHLESS!

    IM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS...MAY GOD BE WITH YOU

  • 9 years ago

    by Sungrl And Mrs Whatsit

    A fine job of expressing many of the complex, and often deeply contradictory, emotions that rise up simultaneously in one following such an extreme tragedy...

  • 9 years ago

    by Ixora

    How tragic. Drinking and driving can take so much from everyone I enjoyed reading it from the point of view of someone who had their loved one drinking and driving.

    *^*Crow*^*