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Andrea Carlon at 2004-05-31

That was one of your best poems Randy. I loved it...keep it up. I enjoy everything you write.

-Andrea

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David Munoz ( F ) at 2004-05-31

Hey Randy. You picked a very hard topic to write on. I know If I did it, it wouldn't be anywhere near as good. Nice Job

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Aken Sol ( F ) at 2004-05-31

Good job Randy. This is a great poem and such a unique topic. I'm looking foward to your next work.

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Danielle Whitaker ( F C ) at 2004-05-31

That was really good randy, such a good topic to write about, and you wrote it very differently than i've ever read it being expressed...so props to you for that...your a great writer, i can tell, so keep it up

and thanks so much for you comments!

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Reem at 2004-05-31

Such a good write.Peace~

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Krista at 2004-06-01

Wow. That was the best one I have read by you so far. I loved it. It really makes you sit and ponder what a person does when they do something like this. You are awesome.

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Amanda at 2004-06-02

THAT WAS AWESOME!!!!! i loved it so much!!!! you really have talent!

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Sam at 2004-06-02

That poem was really good. I like how you wrote about abortion. You put a lot of feeling into it from the perspective of a child getting an abortion. Great job.

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YikYak ( F C D ) at 2004-06-02

Hey Randy, great poem. It nice to see a guy write about something like this. And still all your comments remain civil, lol. This can be a touchy subject. But you seemed to keep your cool. Good Job!! I'm finally getting to your poems now. I will be sure to vote and comment on each one. .....Jackie

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had to read this poem again...it is one of your best

A very rare find the poem world. This poem makes a very interesting and particularly difficult point concerning the troubles and pains associated with abortion. You incorporated those feelings into your poem well.

I have to say i think you handled a very sensitive subject very well.
Your poem was excellent and i found it very emotional.
Thanks for sharing your work with us! hayley xx

VERY VERY well done, Randy... I have been working on (thinking about) an abortion poem for some time now...but I can't get past the anger I feel and do something non-hateful....but this.... this is AWESOME...and has actually given me a spark of inspiration about how to approach this... hope I can come up with something a fraction as good as this one!

excellent caught me right up in this poem
Cathy

Wow Randy!! This is such a wonderful poem!!! You're such a great writer!!! Keep it up!!
Love,
Amy

Wow..stunning Randy...agree sensitive subject but one that I most def. agree with you on...very touching...take care, Michelle :)

Great poem, one of my favorites, infact you are my favorite on the site. Keep it up!

Wow....I like this....I have been in the debate on abortion for a few days now....It keeps going back and forth. I hate it. I don't think it's right. It's amazing to see a man write a poem about it. Great Job....Take care

Wow....I like this....I have been in the debate on abortion for a few days now....It keeps going back and forth. I hate it. I don't think it's right. It's amazing to see a man write a poem about it. Great Job....Take care

I think this was well done in the sense of the metaphors used and the structure of the poem, but I don't necessarily agree with your point of view. I don't regard an unborn, 3-month old foetus as a human yet, and I think abortion is an essential aspect of birth control.

All the same, your poem made me think, so well done.

-paperdoll

Wow, I really liked this poem, I was wondering what it was about all the way through. Abortion is horrible, and unnecessary people need to take more responsibility for their actions

You surprised me with this one ... wasn't expecting the abortion angle at all ... I was thinking of something else. A hot, hard topic to write and expressed from a unique angle.

Wow that is a very well written poem that sends out an amazing message
and there is no way that any one can really know what it feels like to not be wanted before you are even born
it is aweful that abortion is still legal
very nice poem

Good point
you are pointing a great deal in this poem, great message, and great job
I really enjoyed reading it,
take care.

It would be a fine poem, but I am extremly against what you are saying in this poem and in the footnotes, so I feel I can not offer any unbiased information

Peace and properity,

(RKD)

Not a problem, to be honest with you Im not sure about its truths as to whether we live in a pre existance before were born. I just thought it up one day, based of my knowlegde of differant religions. you might like my poem
"infinite nothingness" check it out. (no religeous ties)

do you have solid beliefs in god and existance? just curious. On of these days I think I may write a poem about my theorys, but thats all they are is theorys.

by the way I dig that you write lyric's any of them turn to full song with music and such?

"I'm so exited, I just cant wait.
Exhilarated, I see the gate."

Good opening, this makes the reader think that you are in heaven possibly.

"Ive waited forever for this chance.
I look around for one last glance."

"Ive" should be "I've".

Otherwise, excellent feelings that you are portraying, and this really is making the reader anxious to read on.

"I raise my hand to send good byes.
Tears of joy swell in my eyes."

"good byes" should all be one word, and I think instead of in the first line having a period, having a comma instead. Just a suggestion but I noticed you did that with the lines above and throughout this piece, maybe change that instead of having two periods, a comma then a period.

"With every blink, a new tears trace.
I think about my mothers face."

The last bit in the first line didn't really make sense to me, were you trying to say "new tears trace"?.

"mothers" should be "mother's"

"I can not wait to feel her care.
And from that point, a life we'll share."

The meaning here is so deep.

"I continued on, and as I walked.
The gate swung shut, and suddenly locked."

Excellent descriptions so far.

"I turned around in my surprise,
and saw the sorrow in all their eyes.

Not ten feet away I hit the floor.
Agony, despair, and so much more.

The gates of Heaven had shut me in."

Wow, there is so much power in your words. I feel God sent me to this earth to not only praise him, but to send the evils of the world back to hell. I am learning more and more about abortion and have some good ideas to stop it. Abortion needs to end now, and be sent back to hell. How can we just live happily in this world and know that thousands of innocent babies are being torn apart, body part by body part? Thank you Randy for writing a poem about abortion, we need to come together and unite in order to stop it.

~MaryAnne

Thanks for the advice, I updated my poem and fixed the errors you suggested. Im not that great in the grammar department. lol