Comments : Scars

  • 10 years ago

    by Christopher Hantman

    Is it supposed to be scar on my hip or star?

    and this is very short,
    but very good.
    shows how some people have self disgust and really beg for the lords help ( he has helped me in many occasions "

  • 10 years ago

    by Tyler Durden

    Now, when I saw the title, I thought; I know what this poem is gonna be about...

    But, as soon as I clicked, I was suprised.

    "The star on my hip,
    The heart on my knee,
    The lines on my wrist,
    Oh Lord, what has become of me?"

    I think the heart on my knee could maybe have gone with the say "heart on my sleeve" and a slightly different end...
    BUT nonetheless this is different.

    I want more!
    Make it longer next time! Theres something there.. I can tell, just stick to it more, it'll come to you... this is just like a quote.

    But, another decent post.
    Well done, n keep it up!

    Tyler.

  • 10 years ago

    by Ike Dizzle

    Hey this is good for a start but i would add a lil more if i was u
    -vino

  • 10 years ago

    by PassionCourageTriumph

    *Just so everyone knows the beginning part was originally supposed to be describing the scars but has now been changed so that there will be no more confusion :)*

  • 10 years ago

    by HvN

    Wow nice... love it , 5/5

    keep up the good work!

  • 10 years ago

    by tigerdan

    That is realy good, Kayla!
    There are some spelling mistakes though. I will help you find them.;) It is the kind that are spelled correctly but has different meaning.

    The fifteenth line:
    I'll show you me writs every day,
    I'll show you "my" "wrists" every day
    (2 words in this line)

    On the sixteenth line:
    I'll keep the up the sleeves of my sweater.
    I'll keep "them" up the sleeves of my sweater.
    (Just the one in this line)

    Twentyth line:
    It time for action.
    "It's" time for action.
    Or...
    It is time for action.
    (Just the one in this line)

    I hope this helps you. :)
    I am looking forward to reading your other poems. Good work!!! Keep writting! ;)

  • 10 years ago

    by Jim McMillen the man within

    Beautiful poem Kayla, As long as we learn from our mistakes we con turn our negatives into a posative....Heep it up...5/5..Jim

  • 10 years ago

    by Mister 47

    Scars , ma great poem ,in the concet no one wirte about hsi scars anymore !!

    you live you will get hurt and somone will make you bleed

    and these will leave mark on your heart adn souls , !!1

    great expression,

    but i would say it will impact more if there is a sonctaact line lenght and more rhyming

    but opver all very satisfying one^__^

    I will save a life.
    If not my own.
    I will make a difference.
    And that difference will be shown!

    my best paragraph always the bes ti for the last !!

    hope you can do what you said !!^___^
    5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Cara

    Wow.. this was full of pain and confusion.. it was a very good write. This is the type of poem that gives me goosebumps.. to think that people are going through such pain.. pain that myself and many others have been through. But, it is possible to escape and get out of that horrible, harmful world.. that is often created by ourselves.
    Very good write.
    5/5