Cancerous Religion

by Lauren   Aug 20, 2008


Death looms in the air,
It won't be too long they say,
Radiation will shrink it,
But eventually it'll get you one day.

I hope it's really true,
What they say in church,
To God I pray for you,
Even though I'm not too sure.

It's not even fair,
I wish this hadn't happened at all,
Is God even listening,
To my faithful call?

Rapists, molesters, murderers,
Out walking free,
While good wonderful people,
Are dying a painful death and taken by almighty thee.

Yes I'm questioning God,
For I don't understand why,
Horrible people live,
While loving ones die.

I'm not afraid to die,
I just don't get how death is dealt,
Do you flip a coin,
Or throw an invisible dart?

And if you want to take,
Someone young and free,
Why put them through such pain?
Why not take them in their sleep?

These questions loom in my mind,
Unanswered they'll probably stay,
Just please keep him safe,
Forever from this day.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by AngelicDecadence

    The Title was great, but I see some flaws in the poem, shall we?

    Now, you started with the second, and last line in the stanza rhyming, but then, you changed it in the second stanza to when the first and the third rhymed. This always messes with the flow. Not to mention then you changed it back into how you did it in the first stanza. I recommend changing the rhyme scheme of the second stanza.

    "Rapists, molesters, murderers,
    Out walking free,
    While good wonderful people,
    Are dying a painful death and taken by almighty thee."
    I know what you are trying to get across by the last line, but it doesn't really work with the length, you might want to change it to:
    Are taken by almighty thee."
    You really don't need the rest.

    The rest of this is fantastic, and the emotion was just heart wrenching. Great, fabulous Job.
    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    You know, my Grandma has cancer and I've wondered questions such as these day in and day out. I've realized though that even if people don't go peacefully, when it's over they're in a peaceful place. And, I think that it might actually be worth it for them.

    You have a good poem. VERY heartfelt, and so relatable. It made me cry from the get go. I didn't see any flaws really but maybe a few spots where flow was a TAD bit off. Just not enough to mention or enough to mess with the poem in a negative way.

    Good job writing this, darling.
    Something everyone can relate to is ALWAYS a good thing.

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Great title, very eyecatching and unique.

    "Death looms in the air,"
    `I loved your word choice here.. looms was inserted perfectly. Well done.

    "Horrible people live,
    While loving ones die."
    `Loved these lines and it goes with the quote that bad things happen to good people. So very true, and I agree completely with your statement here.

    "Dow you flip a coin,"
    `It should be do not dow

    "These questions loom in my mind,"
    `I think you could of came up with a different word, maybe use a synoynm for loom since you already used it above.. challenge yourself to use new vocabulary.

    Your flow was decent, I thought you did a good job with keeping the reader's attention throughout the entire poem.

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Ed or Ian Henderson

    This is an inspired write. I don't find it sad at all. What you've written here, for me, is brimming with youthful hope and healthy reasoned questioning. As someone who believes there is a higher power "up there" but despises religion and what it does to otherwise normal people, I hope many other people read this poem and take in your words. You've got a great poem here. Well done.

  • 15 years ago

    by tigerdan

    Very sad, and very expressive. :(
    Good work! ;)
    You should read over some of my quotes. I hope to inspire you :)