Comments : Maybe Tomorrow

  • 15 years ago

    by Austin

    Interesting poem. I liked the basis of it. Felt a little sad for a while, but I think the last line sort of offered some hope. Or at least showed persistence. Good job!

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Defend what you believe you`re worth,
    But only when it`s all over.
    Your morals are on the floor with your body,
    Begging to be accepted."
    `To me, this was your strongest stanza. My favorite too.

    Overall, the format was really awkward. I've never seen someone write this way before, it didn't interest me at first but I kind of liked it just because of how well you expanded on this idea. Uhmm, wonderful write. I saw nothing wrong with it. Unique format. There wasn't a flow obviously, but I think you did a good job. (: 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Phantasmagoria

    Yep, awesome flow too. The last lines were very powerful. ^^ And the repitition of some lines added to the flow and intensity. Good job ^^

  • 15 years ago

    by Fantasy

    I like your texture of writing, it comes from the heart and is very sincere.

    I like how its all in pieces, but then falls into place, like a puzzle.
    Keep it up!
    You know your good, just embrace it more.
    Dollface.

  • 15 years ago

    by Aryaan

    Free verse poetry... okay...
    overall it's good. concept is interesting... somehow gripping. good one...

  • 15 years ago

    by Paralyzed

    "I am the erased words that never quite fit in"

    I love this line, it really stands out for me, you could use it in so many different scenarios, I really, really like it.

    Falling short,
    Out of touch.
    One step forward is three the other way.

    Give me a chance to pick myself up,
    To fall down again.

    Today we stop just short of time,
    Tomorrow we will try again.

    I also like they way you ended it and used the title, not giving up and trying tomorrow even if we are bound to fail today. You did a nice job with this poem, thanks so much for entering it.

  • "Defend what you believe you`re worth,"
    >this line is a little confusing, remember how you word things they can get the reader really confused. and it makes it hard to understand what you are talking about.
    maybe this line should say>"Defend what you believe, what you're worth"
    maybe it's not what you're trying to say but....yeah hope it helps!

    "Your morals are on the floor with your body,
    Begging to be accepted."
    >very powerful line...left me speechless on how accurate...it is to most people including me...

    "Just like the cancer of passion you hold deep with"
    >love this line. the way you connected cancer with passion..it was a very unique way to look at things...simply amazing!although i think you forgot "in" on the "with"
    part="within"

    liked this poem alot...the decription of few words yet strong staments it's perfect. the flow was wonderful..just fix those few problem and your poem could really be perctly flawless. keep it up!!

    **Ada**
    *aBSwaBHiaPL*