Comments : Exposed

  • 9 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    An interesting write indeed. Many thoughts crossed my mind as I read it. I like your descriptions and the way you set the atmosphere.well done. Take care.

  • 9 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    This was written very well and was kind of like a short story, and although I haven't read the book is was described perfectly in your words. The imagery and flow are both very strong and it seems it took some effort and thought. Excellent job 5/5 GG23

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Assuring me to not be frightened at all."
    `Hmm. I thought reassuring would sound better, then again.. assuring fits just as well. I guess it's just that I'm more used to hearing reassuring..?

    "Turning to him, bewildered and astonished,
    His flawless body, sparkling and glittering."
    `Great word choice! Bewildered, astonished, flawless, sparkling, glittering... amazing job with the fabulous words. (:

    "Glimmering and reflecting the luminous light,
    Like thousands of pure jewels and diamonds. "
    `This was beautiful. I loved the unique simile you came up with here. Captured my attention completely.

    "Sensational blue skies turn to red, as the sun sets,
    Darkness closing in, ending the blissful afternoon.
    We then find our way quickly back to the small gate,
    Where it all started, and hidden secrets were exposed."
    `Okay woooow. Such a powerful stanza.

    Overall, such a great write. It's amazing. Flawless. Wouldn't change a thing 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Sylvia

    It is hard to believe you are only 13. Your work shows a maturity beyond your years. Very well done.

  • 9 years ago

    by Grant Gilbert AKA Slash

    Excellent poem and so well written , lovely use of metaphors and superb flow , the poem kept me spellbound

    Grant

  • 9 years ago

    by Light A Way

    This poem is one of my favorites...it is very well written and definetly describes breaking dawn

    Vanessa

    keep up the good work!!!!!

  • 9 years ago

    by Hear You Me

    Oh my gosh! this is so amazing, i can hardly believe you're only 13. I read on your profile that you want to be a writer, i definitely think that is something you have the pure and astounding ability to persue.
    I've never read this novel, but you can be sure that after reading this poem i am definitely intrigued. You are truly talented, well done!

  • 9 years ago

    by XxdreamMEaliveXx

    I have never read Twilight but i definatly want to and this poem was so detailed and it was just great i wish i could write something like this. to me its like a masterpiece. but i am very inexperianced

  • 9 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    Wow, one of THEE best poems I've ever read! :] If I hadn't actually read Twilight, I would've gotten the gist of the book! Your descriptions are very intense and amazing, your talent is outstanding :] You portrayed every part of the scene clear and perfectly.. If I wasn't into Twilight before, after reading this, I'd want to be! lol. Awesome write :] 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Your free flow is flawless and the poem is darkly captivating

  • 9 years ago

    by Raychil

    I really liked it. Very beautiful and obviously you are very talented. I'm not a huge Twilight series fan, but I did read them and this captured them very well. Excellent job.
    <3Raych

    thanks for the comment :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Stephanie

    "My hand searches for his touch, needing his comfort,
    But he is nowhere to be found in this shining aurora."
    - I absolutely adore your usage of aurora here, it gives the reader such a beautiful image.

    ""Exactly way we can't be seen when the sun is out.""
    -- Shouldn't 'way' by 'why'?

    I absolutely-freaking-love this poem because it's written about the best book series in the world. (:
    But anyways ---
    Your word usage was flat-out stunning and I love the dialogue between Edward & Bella as well.
    Nicely done, m'dear.

    5.5
    Take care,
    Stephanie

  • 9 years ago

    by Marie

    Twilight??? O.O'' omg great work

  • 9 years ago

    by Still Slightly Broken

    That was so amazing,
    The Twighlight series are my favourite books ever.
    I can't wait for the movie to come out over here.
    Absolutely outstanding.
    Perfect.
    5/5
    Take care

  • 8 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    What a story! You impressed me greatly!
    I am going to add you to my favs now and say the words you said to me a few moments ago: never stop writing:)

    Hugs,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 8 years ago

    by Cotton Candy Clouds

    Illuminated light seeping through the corners,
    The untold truth will be revealed in one step.
    Gazing up, he gives me his toothless smile,
    Assuring me to not be frightened at all.
    ^^ last line change it to " Assuring me not to be frightened at all" it helps the flow!!!

    He opens the brown gate, as it creaks pitifully,
    And takes a big step inside, but into where?
    His grasp fades away, leaving me on my own,
    Golden sunshine reaches to me, blinding my eyes.
    ^^loved the imagery in the last line ! great job!

    My hand searches for his touch, needing his comfort,
    But he is nowhere to be found in this shining aurora.
    Trying to turn around back to where I came from,
    A voice calls out to me, soothing my heart and soul.
    ^^ I have read this series and you are doing a good job so far! honestly it fits

    "Stay my love, where you are standing, do not fear,"
    His words echoing from everywhere in the grassy land.
    A cold hand is placed on my shoulder, shocking me,
    "Look at me, darling, this is what I am in the sun."
    ^^ahh!! the glistening skin!! i didn't like this part in the movie though they made it look to cheesy : /

    Turning to him, bewildered and astonished,
    His flawless body, sparkling and glittering.
    He then lies down, as still and calm as a statue,
    "Exactly why we can't be seen when the sun is out."
    ^^ i so wish vampires like this were real ! it would be amazing!!! oh and good job so far!!!

    Glimmering and reflecting the luminous light,
    Like thousands of pure jewels and diamonds.
    His marble lips barely seem to even move,
    Time seemed to carelessly pass both of us by.
    ^^ favorite stanza!!! you did a great job with playing with the words and keeping the reader intruiged

    My feet automatically move next to where he's at,
    Resting my head down, I take a deep slow breath.
    He mutters, "You are not afraid, not the least bit?"
    My eyes joke , "What should I expect from a vampire?"
    ^^ "My eyes joke" <<amazingly wonderful wording here!!! it was unique and grasping!

    Light laughter escapes from his lips, surprising me,
    He smiles so gently, "True, but you'll get used to it."
    My heart skips a beat, avoiding his eyes, I ask,
    "Edward, how long do we have to be together?"
    ^^ahh maybe change the last lines wording it sounds like she wants to be away from him..maybe its just me though

    Turning away, his face revealed anger and pain,
    But he shook that thought off and whispered quietly,
    "I'll fight strongly for our love, you know I will,
    For what we have will always and forever last."
    ^^the quoted part was worded funny to it confused me

    I edge towards him a few inches more,
    Cherishing each moment we were together.
    Tracing the outline of his stone-cold lips,
    "You're the reason I live, the reason I breathe."
    ^^ : ) he is adorable

    Inhaling his sweet scent, careful not to push it,
    Mesmerized by his unexplainable true beauty.
    Holding his icy cold, smooth as marble hand,
    This is a dream come true, an untold fantasy.
    ^^ adorable...

    Sensational blue skies turn to red, as the sun sets,
    Darkness closing in, ending the blissful afternoon.
    We then find our way quickly back to the small gate,
    Where it all started, and hidden secrets were exposed.
    ^^ perfect ending the last line fit perfectly!!

    honestly i do not get why you put this in sad poems?! it is a cute love poem!!!!! Great job
    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by SashaMirage

    Wow, I believe anyone who has not watched Twilight will definately do so now. You are a very good writer and you are very vivid in your descriptions.

    "Glimmering and reflecting the luminous light,
    Like thousands of pure jewels and diamonds.
    His marble lips barely seem to even move,
    Time seemed to carelessly pass both of us by."

    I am speechless, these lines were so beautiful

    "Turning away, his face revealed anger and pain,
    But he shook that thought off and whispered quietly,
    "I'll fight strongly for our love, you know I will,
    For what we have will always and forever last."
    You really created a magical moment between the two lovers in these phrases.

    I edge towards him a few inches more,
    Cherishing each moment we were together.
    Tracing the outline of his stone-cold lips,
    "You're the reason I live, the reason I breathe."
    You really show strong emotion here

    Inhaling his sweet scent, careful not to push it,
    Mesmerized by his unexplainable true beauty.
    Holding his icy cold, smooth as marble hand,
    This is a dream come true, an untold fantasy.
    Here you described the magic of the moment in such a mesmerizing way.

    I loved how you ended it, I am sure that Stephanie Meyer would be very pleased. 5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Paiger

    As a fellow twilight reader this is great, one of the most epic moments of the book.

    I find this kinda of writing interesting, it seems more like poetic story writing, than poetry. It feels like a short story writen back in the 1800's. Its very well done, but the style doesn't intrigue me. Your a great writer tho, it's just my opinion. Keep it up

  • 8 years ago

    by P00ki3B3ar

    I love how you put the twilight book into a poem great job!!!!

    **plz comment bak**