I love this piece. It is soo beautiful and unique all at the same time. One thing that def caught my eye, was how every single stanza had five lines. I really liked it because I have never seen that before where ALL of them had it. I thought that part was really cool.

I also thought this piece was really sad because it was like you were sending your mother a message....an important one. I loved every line. You are a very talented writer....especially when it comes to word choice. Excellent write!! 5/5

<3Loni

You have alot og generals in this piece which is good but nothing that is a concrete exsample for the reader to see the situation through your eyes. I agree that it is a powerful poem and it does leave a heavy impression on you but. I think if you added 2 exsamples to show the reader what had happend your work would be so much more better just a thought. I did really enjoy it though powerful... PS please any of my featured work Plot121

It's a difficult position to be in when the one's who are supposed to love you most turn there back on you. I honestly think some people would find it easier if we were just gone and out of there lives, soon enough we'll all be gone. Very well written with good flow, I loved the repetition it made the poem that much better. Great job 5/5 GG23

Omg!! Amazing poem sweetie^^ You really showed emotion through out this poem which is very good seeing as at the moment I have writters block ..Ahh what a horrible thing!!
Anyway amazing poem hun a bit too long for my taste though I still enjoyed it mwah xxxx
love of you xxx

Very interesting concept and you've written it very well. so much of emotions flow through the poem. good write!

This was an interesting poem. It was really sad and it does hurt when someone we love so much, turns their back to us. I really felt the emotion in this poem. It was great.

Awtzzzzzz this is really a sad piece! i was really interested reading this when i read the titled so theres no doubt. i love reading sad poet so i can say that is ont of the most sad piece of poetry, fille w/ deep emotion and it really poured my tears, its such a very unhappy and very emotional, u had really express ur deep emotion here and i guess u finally overcome all of these hard feelings inside ur heart.. keep on writing all what u feel,, i einjoyed this poem a lot 5/5

very well written!

Hey..... a new piece.
it's sad..... a touching poem.....
a good start n the best ending....
5/5. =)

Painful poem indeed,
this poem really touched my heart.
am sure no matter what your mom loves you from inside...hope so

great poem

I really like this, great job!

This is good, keep it up, 7/5

IF I WERE TO DIE TONIGHT

So tell me mother,If I were to die tonight?
Would you regret yelling at me all those times?
Or would it be easier to see me die?
Would your tears be enough to mend what I feel inside?
And make me rise from the mire I am at?

~~ Although this stanza made me sad as the bitterness u feel inside because of the person who should be the closest to u,U really expressed it in a perfect and simple way~~

Would you cry a tear, if I were to die tonight
Instead of loving words to soothe my broken heart
For I have lost the right to know who my father was
Yet you fed me with your lies and fake smiles
So tell me mother, if I were to die tonight

~~ The repeat of " If I were to die tonight" leaves a sad echo in ur poem...It was so wise of u to repeat that line~~

Would it give you sorrow, if I were to die tonight
Would it touch your heart and you would love me at last?
Would it make you look back and remember the times?
How every night I wanted to hug you tight?
What I got instead is your cold back

~~The contrary between how u feel and what she feels hurts u inside and hurts anybody who goes through the same situation...This part touched me the most as I know It's a destructive feeling when U need somebody so much and they never ever care about u..Great choice of words~~

Now remember, if I were to die tonight
For my heart is weary and I am in deep sorrow
Resonance of your words hurt me every time
You wanted me to die even if I'm not supposed to
However, I want you to know

~~ Well-expressed piece and Ur language is flawless..~~

It would solve my problems, if I were to die tonight
No matter how much you may hate me
No matter how much you screwed my life
No matter how many scars you have left me
I would still die tonight, just to see your smile back

And for my contentment, please don't forget to smile...before you say goodbye...

~~ Perfect ending...It brought a tear into my eye really...I'm so sorry for the pain u feel inside:(

Great poem..Keep it up
And wish ya all the best..

This poem reflects the way harsh words hurt deeply

Beautifuly writen, you can really feel the emotion coming through in your words :) Great job

5/5

Aw this is so sad!
so well written tho! you did great on this one! i like it a lot!

Would your tears be enough to mend what I feel inside?
And make me rise from the mire I am at?

- not sure about this line. is it suppose to mend your heart and how you feel? if so then is that what you died from? I found the opening a bit confusing.

-For I have lost the right to know who my father was
Yet you fed me with your lies and fake smiles

- i can't relate, but this is a powerful set of line. It really sets the tone for the rest of the poem.

I could go on and critique all the rest of the poem, but most likely you know what I'm going to say. This is a very interesting poem, a sad ending and one that I wouldn't want to wish on anyone else.

5/5

Very good read.

I'm speechless. This poem moved me so deeply. The concept was unreal... it had me trapped. I couldn't stop reading if I wanted to. The flow, word usage, and concept were flawless. Not to mention unnoticeable... This poem was so beautiful you could not even see anything else...

One of the best poems I have ever read. And if I could, I would give this higher than a 5/5!

Absolutely amazing write... great work. Keep it up!

Okay. First off, wow! This was filled with emotion. It seemed as if you were yelling, or crying, as you wrote this. It is incredible. The form is brilliant There was rhyming although I couldn't find a specific scheme, it tied it together nicely. I liked the repitition at the begginings of the stanzas as well. Very nicely done. again, 5/5

That was so beautiful and the fact i can relate shows whats so beautiful about poetry-the relation and unique intensity sincerly the best

This was a beautifully written poem. It expressed deep emotion, everything you felt, everything you wanted to and at the very end, you wrapped it all up with what you WANTED. It was a great way of ending it, powerful by itself and how you put it in there was spectacular.

I found the flow in the poem choppy, though that did not limit you to express how you felt. So instead of having a perfected flow or rhyme, it had every emotion you wanted no thoroughly constricted by rhymes you wanted to add. 4/5