Comments : Invisible

  • 9 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    Good write. The flow was good, the word usage was decent, the concept was brilliant, and I could relate so easily to this. One thing is the way it was written in some parts could be improved slightly. But that doesn't stop it from being a very good poem! 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by ether

    "But she doesn't know when she flirts."
    But she doesn't know it when she flirts.

    "Love is making her goodness an illusion."
    I don't like the word 'goodness' here.

    Other than those things, it was a pretty damn good poem. I love the twist at the end of the poem, it's really interesting and sad at the same time. At the begining of the poem it sounded like another one of those stupid "oh but you don't love me" things, and I was going to comment that you change it but the end made it near perfect.
    As a bit of advice, I would still say make a bigger impact in the beginning to draw the reader in.
    Once again, love the ending, 5/5

    jess ~

  • 9 years ago

    by Sweet lig

    Hmm that was really great piece of poem, very impressive i love the message its very dedicated. those emotions was really great keep it up and keep on writng all what u feel inside. 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Great write. I didn't find much wrong with it. One thing, though... towards the end you started using he word "and" when I don't think it was necessary. There were a few lines that began with and and without it, I think the poem still could have made sense. Hm, other than that.. I thought this write was amazing. I loved how you used such a small title and made it sound interesting. Great work. 5/5. (:

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    My suggestion with the word "and" .. I just re-read the poem and I guess without them the flow would have gone down the drain a bit, so nevermind. Skip my suggestion. Flawless write. :]

  • 9 years ago

    by HvN

    Wow! I can relate!! this is so well written, the ryme and flow was awesome. It kept me wanting more... may i ask what your inspiration was?

    5/5

    beautiful ! keep it up!

  • 9 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    Hm. I liked it, but I feel as though the flow was off a bit.

    Also, this part really confused me:

    "She can't see you when you walk by,
    And see you wanting her so bad it hurts."

    -- The second line -- I don't know if I should read it like this: "And, see, you wanting her.." or "And to see you wanting her.."

    "And you don't notice her smile.
    Because she smile at you everyday."

    -- "smile" should be "smiles". :]

    Besides that, though, I loved this. I thought it was heartfelt, and written well. I thought the rhyming was excellent. Good job. :]

    Five out of five. [5/5]

    ``Briana

  • 9 years ago

    by Crystal Gaze

    I thought the poem was good. I really liked the concept. It seems to happen more often then not, making it a really relatable piece.

    I enjoyed it guite well.
    5/5
    -Elaine.

  • 9 years ago

    by StarGirl

    I really enjoyed this and I can really relate to it. I have guy friends who are in the exact same position. It's like if I were attracted to any of them and not already taken I would be there for them to show em there are good girls out there who do notice them and don't abuse them like that.

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I love the rhyme scheme and the romantic theme. If someone gave me a poem like this when I was younger they would have seen the lights change. I can' tell if the subject is shy or arrogantly rejecting the admirer but it adds to the mystery
    well done

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Because she smile at you everyday.
    Because she smiles at you everyday?