Our rose

by LockedInEternity   Sep 24, 2008


The boulder was lifted, that kept me from breathing.
Beneath it, this whole time, my heart had been bleeding.
Your words had the power to drop it on me
and with that the strength to set my soul free.

So blessed and so thankful for having met you.
Our paths crossed for reasons that none of us knew.
We're both so alike in a great sense of ways.
Hands holding strong as we pass faze by faze.

Real, is the bliss that you and I share
a feeling separate from our peers that never seem to care.
In tact with our senses, the world in our palm
we speak our mind softly, with words ever calm.

Our friendship - like weather had thundered and snowed.
But given some sunlight, a rainbow had showed.
Your powers amaze me, I want to know why
every word you pronounce bounds my wrist behind ties.

Errors help us realize how wrong we both were.
The hardships we conquered have faded and blurred.
In our minds, just the lessons we learned still remain.
In our hearts, still the friendship that you and I gained.

Are you blessed? Are you thankful for having met me?
Relieved that we spotted what we couldn't see?
Let's pour gentle droplets on that broken flower.
Accept all our faults and embrace all our power.

Your words lifted the boulder that kept me from breathing.
Beneath it, this whole time, my heart had been bleeding.
Once again, you are here to attend to my ache.
As I would for you, so that you never break.

Time in and time out, our rose we will cherish.
So when the snow comes, not a petal will perish.
The stem will grow strong and the thorns will protect
the delicate rose that we've learned to respect.

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by rozlian

    Very very nice... I fell in love all over again...

  • 9 years ago

    by The Queen

    The boulder was lifted, that kept me from breathing.
    Beneath it, this whole time, my heart had been bleeding.
    Your words had the power to drop it on me
    and with that the strength to set my soul free.
    -----------I think comma was necessary after the word that then strength to set my soul free.
    Besides these lines I guess is too heavy for an opening. Im sorry its just my opinion and should not be considered at all if you may find this too harsh for your poem. Although I liked it its just it should be somewhere in the middle of your poem.

    So blessed and so thankful for having met you.
    Our paths crossed for reasons that none of us knew.
    We're both so alike in a great sense of ways.
    Hands holding strong as we pass faze by faze.
    -------------Period should be removed from the first line as it wasn’t a sentence. See most of the times i tried to avoid the rhymes; I think it hinders the real intention of the poem. And most of the times it causes a little boredom within the poem.

    Real, is the bliss that you and I share
    a feeling separate from our peers that never seem to care.
    In tact with our senses, the world in our palm
    we speak our mind softly, with words ever calm.
    -----------These lines as for me are ok. SO I wont and cant comment on that.

    Our friendship - like weather had thundered and snowed.
    But given some sunlight, a rainbow had showed.
    Your powers amaze me, I want to know why
    every word you pronounce bounds my wrist behind ties.
    ----------These lines are better than those of first three stanzas. I could actually tell the depth in it that was missing in the first 3 stanzas.

    Errors help us realize how wrong we both were.
    The hardships we conquered have faded and blurred.
    In our minds, just the lessons we learned still remain.
    In our hearts, still the friendship that you and I gained.
    ---------Wow, as I go further down, the words choice and the emotions are getting intense and so im loving it. I loved the emotion you were trying to convey here, A true love for a friend.

    Are you blessed? Are you thankful for having met me?
    Relieved that we spotted what we couldn't see?
    Let's pour gentle droplets on that broken flower.
    Accept all our faults and embrace all our power.
    -------------Cute sweet little questions, hahaha..i adore these lines.

    Your words lifted the boulder that kept me from breathing.
    Beneath it, this whole time, my heart had been bleeding.
    Once again, you are here to attend to my ache.
    As I would for you, so that you never break.
    -------------At first I dint like the repetition in your poem, but as I go through and read the third line of this stanza it did make sense and it actually emphasized the friendship and the feeling you had for your friend even deeper.

    Time in and time out, our rose we will cherish.
    So when the snow comes, not a petal will perish.
    The stem will grow strong and the thorns will protect
    the delicate rose that we've learned to respect.
    ---------------Honestly I liked these lines but the problem is, it seemed like we have another topic here to evaluate, or probably it was just how you wrote it or maybe I misunderstood it. But overall, I admire you for being able to write everything and anything that is in your mind with ease. From your poem I can tell you have a lot of ideas in you. I liked the emotion and picture this poem has to offer. I seriously did. And im sorry if you find my comments a bit harsh.

  • 9 years ago

    by ledane

    First i am not a poet ..lol...now i really enjoyed this piece...flow was great and emotions were there..i could see this as just a friendship poem or one for the start of a good relationship..gotta be friends first...

    the only prob i did have was ur 3rd to last stanza sorta slowed me down... might have just been me...great poem....read it 3 times...5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This is a truly excellent poem, you expressed yourself very well in this piece.

    "The boulder was lifted, that kept me from breathing.
    Beneath it, this whole time, my heart had been bleeding.
    Your words had the power to drop it on me
    and with that the strength to set my soul free."

    I love your word choice here, and this really was just right for the start of the poem, nice rhyming here, and throughout this whole poem.

    "Errors help us realize how wrong be both were."

    "be" should be "we".

    Good work, this was very touching and came straight from your heart, I can tell. 5/5 from me. Keep writing, always and forever...

  • 9 years ago

    by Krista

    I really liek its. good flow and nice word choice.
    5/5