Comments : Why couldn't you have saved your breath?

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Generalize to your heart's content
    Seriously what damage could it do!
    Hearts heals eventually...
    Everyone always pulls through!

    *Love how you start this. It makes want to keep reading*

    But what about the few
    The empty soulful ones
    The ones thrown into walls
    "Just for fun"

    *I like the style of the poem. One of my favorites. the flow is great. Love that it's constant*

    Bruises are easy to deal with
    Broken bones are the same
    Cuts and scraps are easily cared for
    But what about the torment they bring

    *Love the imagery and the examples too. I also like how you express the pain so clearly. Nice work*

    The tears that fall at night
    When everyone else lay sleeping
    The screams held inside their mouths
    Biting their lips until they realize it's bleeding

    *I would change the second line to " when everyone else is sleeping" you don't really need the lay. Other than that I love how vivid this is*

    Sadness consuming
    Light fading in their minds
    Darkness only they can see
    Surrounding them day and night

    *I love the diction here. It's simple but i's really emotional too. Great work*

    Chilling them to their hearts
    Freezing them slowly to death
    You continue calling them what ever you wish
    Why couldn't you have saved your breath?

    *Wow...I love this poem. It's so well written with so many awesome devices. I love how you eneded it with a rhetorical questions. Very nice work. Keep it up. Nik*

  • 14 years ago

    by Ixora

    Wonderfully written. And I could not agree more with its purpose. There is no justification for judging the weak and unfortunatley it has dire consequences. The poem's structure is great and it truly flows.