Comments : A Cool Autumn Day.

  • 15 years ago

    by Blissful

    Hmmm...Okay first of all I love how the atmosphere while reading this was so relaxing to me and you know how I needed that now so it was good. The second paragraph was the best in my opinion because it painted this flawless scene in my mind and I was just left wanting more. It was as if I was there experiancing it so great descriptions.

    I do think that your want to expand on your vocabulary got in the way here. It doesnt flow well when you just throw in a "big" word to make it sound better. It felt like you were trying to hard to with your vocabulary and the piece itself would sound better simple and I think you made it too complex. I love that youre branching out and trying new words, just dont try to hard, let it come to you.

    "Leaves of green, auburn, and crimson fall from bounteous trees above,"
    ^Crmison doesnt make sense here because when I hear the word "crimson" describing something, I think of something dark and or like blood dripping or something like that. It didnt feet in with the scene you were creating because the connotation contradicted what you were trying to express. You could use ruby or something that sounded sweeter, crimson doesnt sound sweet.

    Overall I liked the descriptions and it was a good read. It took me away from my reality which is why I give it a *5/5*

  • 15 years ago

    by Brittany C

    Great poem. The wording alowed me to see in my mind that autumn day and to feel the wind against my skin :) you described exactly what I think of when I think of a cool autumn day. It also has a great flow.

    "Muffled chirps of graceful birds echo in the air throughout"

    i love that line because i like to sit outside and listen to the birds and it described them perfectly.

    It is a very relaxing poem. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by xX-jess-Xx

    I felt myself drift away when reading this poem and loved the line;

    "embosoming us with allurement"

    I thought it created a beautiful picture. Although I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, I felt at times as though you were trying to use bigger words, when maybe only smaller ones were necessary. That being said, I wouldn't really change it as the imagery created is so stunning!

    As others have said, and i'm sure you know it was a great relaxing poem! 5/5 x

  • 15 years ago

    by ether

    That last line has a tripple meaning, the third meaning which you didn't write the line for I read first. As in, black and white, good and bad- which is seen not to be dreadful but untrue.
    Be careful with meanings like that in future, just incase someone takes your poem the wrong way.

    This is okay. It's better than most nature poems but still doesn't stand out to me as anything amazing. I think it might be a little impersonal and a little too literal.
    Be careful with your vocabulary, words like 'illuminating' and 'peace' are often used in nature poems.

    The great thing about this was that there wasn't any unwanted filler words to slow the poem down. And the images you created weren't bad at all.

    Sorry this comment is hard to follow, basically I agree with AblissfulDREAMER.

    I'd give this a 4, however I don't want to break the fives you have going. So I shan't vote. Good work, though.

    jess ~

  • 15 years ago

    by ether

    Nevermind, I saw voting was part of the deal, 4/5 it is.

  • 15 years ago

    by Dark Savior

    This is a good poem. It's very well done. I enjoyed the read and thought that you put a lot of effort into it.

    I do notice that there are a lot of times where you almost seem to force some of the words and as if you were looking to something else for inspiriation. I could be wrong, and you could have just done it very quickly.

    I don't see much else than that. I enjoyed the fact that you didn't write about love and how a man was holding you, but rather a tree. I think that it's a simile. I really liked it, I enjoy your wide range of topics, it keeps me coming back for more, along with other people I believe.

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    It's very rare to see nature poems written as beautifully as this one is... most of the time people lose their topic. It's great to be able to read one that paints such beautiful images in my mind as I read it.

    I close my eyes for an instant as I envision this moment in color,
    hoping to treasure it forever, as it remains within my memory,
    never fading away into the dreadful colors of black and white.

    Absolutely amazing finish to this poem. I adore it... 5/5 and it's more than deserving...