'But', far away isn't what it seems -
'Yet' far away isn't what it seems -

Comment: Don't really know my reason for changing the word. My thoughts aren't very organized at this moment. The word flow might be better with 'yet' and no comma.

Remember those days you 'use' to smile?
Remember those days you 'used' to smile?

Comment: 'those days' are in the past, therefore, a past tense verb is to be used. 'Use' is the present tense and 'used' is the past tense and past participle.

All in all, the flow and imagery is excellent and the word choice is perfect.
5/5

Well for one good point theres a lot of things that isn't there nor for whats going to liye ahead

"Chill your arms within my heart.
Fear for life, from the very start.
Burn your eyes within my smile.
Fear for life, it's now in style."

~Beautiful start here. The words are simple, but sometimes simplicity is better. In the second line, I'm thinking it would flow a bit better without the word "very". The last two lines are.. absolute perfection. Like, wow. Great job here.

"Far away you've fulfilled my dreams.
Yet far away isn't what it seems -
Break the time, oh break the time.
No! Break your heart at the drop of a dime."

~I think in the first line, a comma is needed after "away" and in the third line after "oh". Just a suggestion, but I think you should remove the word "No!" from the last line. Either way, it's a gorgeous stanza.

"Forget the anger held inside,
just take my words and gladly abide.
Remember those days you used to smile?
Fear for life, it's now in style."

~Ah, beautiful stanza, once again. It could just be me, but I think the flow could be off in the first two lines. Maybe think about removing the word "just"? A suggestion only, of course. The last line.. again.. is perfect. I can actually see that line being a title. :]

"Try your hardest to set yourself free,
but you'll be surprised at how strong I can be.
Since, far away you've fulfilled my dreams.
And, far away just isn't what it seems."

~I like the repetition. It's not too much, but it's just enough. I do have to point this out, though- you started the last line with "and", and I know that I was always taught, and since you've ended your lines with periods, never start with the word "and".

Overall, a wonderful piece. Keep it up, you have amazing potential. [5/5]

Briana

Outstanding flow.. every line flowed so smoothly and each word flew off my tongue ;] This was impressive.. great job with the repetition of the line... "Fear for life, its now in style." Perfect.. ONE, it fits the meaning of the poem very well, and TWO, it helps the flow of the poem a lot. Well done!! 5/5 Impressive.

Ok simply put, there were things that I liked, and things that I didn't like at all.

1. I liked:

"Remember the days you used to smile?
Fear for life, it's now in style."

I thought this was a well thought out line, with a clever meaning. There was more to this than meets the eye, (excuse my being cliche). It was not the only one in your poem of its kind either, which was a plus.

2. What I disliked:

Try your hardest to set yourself free,
but you'll be surprised at how strong I can be.

You definitely forced some syllables in quite a few lines. That can be fixed easily though, just re-word it.

I would recommend for that particular line -

"Try your hardest to set yourself free,
you'll be surprised at how strong I may be."

I really liked this poem. It is great =) There is really nothing bad to say about this poem. I saw nothing that needed to be fixed. I gave it a 5/5 for these reasons. Sorry, I know that saying all that doesn't help improve your writing like you want. But I am only telling the truth.

Small but good strong 5

Fear for life, from the very start.
Doesn't need the comma.

I like the rhyme of time and dime at all, who calls anything a dime anymore, anyways?

Other than those two things, I quite liked this. It's short and the meaning seems simple right up until the last line where it kind of hits you as being sad. Which I like in a sad poem.

However it was a little slow in the beginning, nothing really amazing pulls the reader in until the end.

Still a very solid poem, 5/5

jess ~

Very meaningful and to the point. I like it very much!

"Chill your arms within my heart."

* This line really struck me from the beginning for a few reasons. First off, I makes it sould like the other person could actually reach inside your heart; it sets a moral demeanor of them controlling you. Them "chilling" their arms inside your heart lets the reader know your heart is cold without actually saying it. Great lines.

"Burn your eyes within my smile" is very powerful as well. As if staring at your lips will burn someones eyes; it sets a powerful mood for the reader.

"Fear for life, it's now in style." I really enjoyed this line; but I am not exactly sure why. Thats the power of good poems though.

I also like the repetition of a few lines; not too many, but not enough to annoy the reader.

Wow i loved the flow you put into this poems simply bloody amazing in my eyes. like the power you could feel 4m one line to another b/c it was the next line being better then the line before it arrgg it was a kick ars poem
Raindrops 5/5

Ok.
THis poem freaks me out just a bit.
It also interested me. It was like a poem written not in the point of view of the victim but the attacker/stalker.
It was really good and I liked it.

P.S. if that was not the theme that you were trying to get across then I'm sorry. I read poem too deeply sometimes.