Comments : At the Center of my World

  • 15 years ago

    by Tim Mauntler

    You did great writing this poem, some might say that you tried too hard to rhyme though- not that it matters, you got the feeling across and nailed how it feels when you're with that someone

  • 15 years ago

    by Cotton Candy Clouds

    At the center of my world
    There's a photo of a girl
    With such a tattered, dirty frame
    But a beauty of none the same
    ^^nothing seemed forced here and that is what makes it amazing it was genuine and that makes the reader just go "aww..." i think a lot of people will be able to relate to this to

    At the center of my mind
    There is no shackle of time
    No lonely sides of the bed
    Nor flooding clouds over head
    ^^that is a good thing!!! you do a great job of expressing your emotions here and putting the reader in the state of mind you just described

    At the center of my eyes
    She's my instant sense of right
    Perfect even in her flaws
    Without a single scrap of wrong
    ^^aww i can't wait to find a guy that views me like that! it is rare and unique you know he cares for you than when you can look past the imperfections and still love the person unconditionally

    At the center of my soul
    There is an ever-burning coal
    A fire lit by absent spark
    To warm and light my frigid heart
    ^^:) that is all i can say here

    Cause at the center of my heart
    There's a perfect piece of art
    With such a tattered, dirty frame
    But a beauty of none the same
    ^^ great way to wrap it up! going back to the beginning is smart is makes the poem seem complete and done!

    I liked the repetition you used "at the center of" it made this poem stand out i think you did a beautiful job! 5/5