Silence...

by Gem   Dec 22, 2008


Darkness creeps slowly in
Ghostly fingers snatching
The last slivers of light

Silence...

Never been so deafening
Growing harsher and louder
Ears are ringing

Silence...

Playing tricks on the mind
Heartbeat quickens
Quietness drowning the beats

Silence...

It's taking over
Sweat starts beading
This is too much
Must get away!

*Click*

Light floods the room
Shadows draw back
Good night
Sleep tight

*Gem*
Copyright©GemmaStott2008

Meh!!! Can't get my groove!!! Haha

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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Debbie

    "Silence...

    Playing tricks on the mind
    Heartbeat quickens
    Quietness drowning the beats

    Silence..."

    ^How you illustrated silence in this segment is brilliant, albeit intense. You really captured the image of a person losing his mind! =]

    With the details, the visual effects, and the nighttime experienced by most, if not all, people, this poem is really grooving!

    -Debbs

  • 8 years ago

    by Teria

    "Never been so deafening
    Growing harsher and louder
    Ears are ringing"

    SECOND LINE: I think it's too much. In order to give the line/stanza/POEM what it needs Id suggest doing something like;

    [Never been so deafening
    Growing harsher ... louder
    Ears are ringing]
    (You could even make it a four lined stanza - which I realize wouldn't fit as well with the pattern you have but.. it would give it that longing, which I think sets in there and is needed more oomph-ized.

    OR

    [Never been so deafening
    Growing harsher, louder
    Ears are ringing]

    "It's taking over
    Sweat starts beading
    This is too much
    Must get away!"

    - Last line, I think it needs more to it.

    [It's taking over
    Sweat starts beading
    This is too much
    I must get away!]

    - Makes the line more direct instead of indirect. I think that sometimes poetry is quite amazing with indirect emotional boundaries, but this one should be set differently.

    You can't get your groove? Lol, I'm sorry but I thought this was a really good poem. The ending was amazing. You did a swell job. It had the best emotional imagery someone could ask for. Like, you could see the emotion while 'viewing' the vivid imagery.

    Amazing.

  • 8 years ago

    by Alex

    I think you had your groove! I liked it alot. It was cool.