City of colour

by Teria   Dec 29, 2008


City of colour

I try so hard not to cadge,
fight so hard to rid of you.
Mines of little lay to rest,
as gold of millions are the best.
Subfusc ways turn to black,
but color is surely nothing we lack.
From tirades to laughter,
to love and hate.
From superficial layers
and half hearted hellos.
We've loved once,
been friends since.
Yet, our City of colour
still sings me to sleep.

1


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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by TheWorldFellNUWerentThere

    I didn't understand any of this. It really had no meaning to me, maybe to you. I didn't get what you meant nor what you wanted to get out.

    3/5

  • 15 years ago

    by TheWorldFellNUWerentThere

    I didn't understand any of this. It really had no meaning to me, maybe to you. I didn't get what you meant nor what you wanted to get out.

    3/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "I try so hard not to cadge,
    fight so hard to rid of you."
    `I'll be honest, I didnt like how close together the word hard was used. Twice in a matter of the first two sentences, didnt flow well with me. Sorry. I found it interesting that you didn't say.. "get rid of you" not many people say rid of you.. I know that its proper to use it that way, but I just found that to be interesting and something I wanted to point out to you.

    "Subfusc ways turn to black,"
    `Loved your word choice.. subfusc.. made me go WOW!

    "Yet, our City of colour
    still sings me to sleep."
    `This was sooo beautiful, I adored your usage of the word sings. :]

    Anyways, I thought this poem was short yet it said alot. The one thing I noticed was like two lines flowed very nicely and fit well together, the rhyme was great.. but I didnt see any other rhyming in the rest of the poem? Not sure what could fix that.. maybe make the whole poem rhyme.. afterall its a short poem. It'd be a easy task. Just a suggestion.

    5/5.

  • 15 years ago

    by Sourav

    Good write... poetic indeed. Few unusual words... that you may chose intentionally to give the poem a little punch... overall done well... nice!

  • 15 years ago

    by Brandon Lee

    I like the flow and it had a very poetic feel.
    It did'nt make much sense to me which just makes it beautiful art. Nice work.