Until The End Of Time

by CourtneyyContageous   Jan 1, 2009


There's a fire burning inside my soul
The flames call you're name
It melts the frozen heart I had
These feelings are all too insane

In the darkness, you're my light
I walk to your everlasting voice
Running faster with every step
Your love, my willing choice

Take my hand and we'll fly
To a place we'll forever stay
From the sunshine in the horizon
To the exotic moonlight's ray

Heart's locked in time forever
Our soul's eternally intertwined
Nothing will surpass this loving bond
It was built to withstand time

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My First Poem Of '09 =)

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by H E Losey

    A nice write as for the story, I feel it would be so much better if the rhythm worked even if only as well as the rhyme. Rhythm that which separaetes the written word into either poetry or prose. As alway an opinion.

  • 9 years ago

    by Cyber Saiyan

    Right off the start, I liked the title of the poem.

    There's a fire burning inside my soul
    The flames call you're name
    It melts the frozen heart I had
    These feelings are all too insane

    ** I enjoyed the first line, it really helped to set the mood of the poem. In the second line, I think you should add the word OUT after CALL: THE FLAMES CALL OUT YOUR NAME. Using the extra word help to complete the thought. Also, YOU'RE should be YOUR. YOU"RE is short for YOU ARE. In the third sentence, I didn't like the word IT at the beginning of the sentence. I would suggest using MELTING instead of IT MELTS.

    In the darkness, you're my light
    I walk to your everlasting voice
    Running faster with every step
    Your love, my willing choice

    ** Another good stanza. I suggest flip flopping the first line though: YOU ARE MY LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS. The way you have it written sounds backwards, like the subject precedes the actions. This is pretty nit-picky, but I think it sounds better the new way. The last line seems incomplete to me as well. You have two nouns listed, but no actions or verbs. Maybe you could try YOUR LOVE IS MY WILLING CHOICE instead.

    Take my hand and we'll fly
    To a place we'll forever stay
    From the sunshine in the horizon
    To the exotic moonlight's ray

    ** In the first line here, I would add the word AWAY at the end to help close out the thought. Doing this would kinda throw off the flow a little with 3 of the 4 lines rhyming. I was not fond of the MOONLIGHTS RAY part though because it should read MOONS RAYS. Because you're not speaking of only one ray, you need to plural S on the end of ray. I thought you could rhyme FLY AWAY with FOREVER STAY and it would sound better. Again, just my personal opinion.

    Heart's locked in time forever
    Our soul's eternally intertwined
    Nothing will surpass this loving bond
    It was built to withstand time

    ** Great closing stanza, it reiterated the subject and completed the poem as a whole.

    ** Overall, the poem was very well written. I pointed out a few minor details, but they are nothing to worry about too much. I would say 4/5 for the rating, but I don't want to bring your current rating down. It didn't have that WOW factor worthy of a 5, but was far better than a 3.

    ** Please feel free to PRAISE my comment if you found it helpful.

    ** Best wishes; keep writing.

  • 9 years ago

    by Faithless

    There's a fire burning inside my soul
    The flames call you're name
    It melts the frozen heart I had
    These feelings are all too insane

    ^^ This is a great opening, i like the idea
    of how you use the flame to melt your forzen heart
    portray the crazy feeling that burns inside

    In the darkness, you're my light
    I walk to your everlasting voice
    Running faster with every step
    Your love, my willing choice

    ^^I love the metaphor that you used to
    describe in this stanza, to show the
    direction that your heart is moving towards

    Take my hand and we'll fly
    To a place we'll forever stay
    From the sunshine in the horizon
    To the exotic moonlight's ray

    ^^This stanza is very fantasy/fairytale like

    Heart's locked in time forever
    Our soul's eternally intertwined
    Nothing will surpass this loving bond
    It was built to withstand time

    ^^This ending is absolutely beautiful
    Indeed your souls intertwine your
    love will last for eternity

    Overall excellent job, I love your portrayal
    of love until the end of time

    5/5 from me

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    "There's a fire burning inside my soul
    The flames call you're name
    It melts the frozen heart I had
    These feelings are all too insane"

    This quatrain gets the poem off on an excellent start passion on a personal level
    These feelings are all too insane tells me you are crazy about your subject and that got my attention

    "In the darkness, you're my light
    I walk to your everlasting voice
    Running faster with every step
    Your love, my willing choice"

    The second quatrain intensifies with metaphoric lights opening your eyes to escape from loneliness progressing from a cautious walk to running with trust in you willing choice

    "Take my hand and we'll fly
    To a place we'll forever stay
    From the sunshine in the horizon
    To the exotic moonlight's ray"

    Here is great metaphoric ecstasy reaching high not limited to the visual sky
    It reflects love on a spiritual plain

    "Heart's locked in time forever
    Our soul's eternally intertwined
    Nothing will surpass this loving bond
    It was built to withstand time"

    The climax surpasses time

    Overall I enjoyed reading and exploring the depth and higher meaning of this love poem

    Well done