I'm sick...

Sick of sitting here watching myself die in your presence.
letting my ears hear the horrid words you lay out for me to take in...
giving you power over my heart, ripping it to shreds over and over 'til there is nothing left.
i swore i would never let you do this to me.
i would never let u hurt me again.
and u promised i would never have to worry, i was safe with you.
so as i stay still in my seat and let your words hit me in the face
the prettiest tears glide down my cheek and land on the part of my chest where my heart once laid in perfect shape,
no scars no stitch marks, a perfectly peaceful heart with your name on it.
I'm practically handing over my world to you and letting you turn it upside down and lit it on fire.
i watch myself slowly fade away, you still screaming your words of discontent.
i lie on the cold floor of the once warm place i called home,
trying to block you out, giving it my all to just forget.
you give up, walk away, disappear in to the darkness of the next room, leaving me to drown in the tears i have wept for you.
body shaking i get up off the floor and grab for my keys, I've had enough, i want to go..
get away from this hell, i walk past you at your desk starting into your screen, almost trance like.
i float right past you, feeling only pain in my heart and mascara down my face.
i close the door behind me....
i never want to look back, i just wish to move on.
but i know two weeks from now, I'll be back, in your arms again,
pretending its alright pretending it never happened,
and I'm sick of it, but i love you so much,
i do it over and over,
and i probably will until the day i wither away to nothing, Ur everlasting abuse still left in my cold worthless heart, left to never beat again for the world to know,
I loved you. always.