Tongue not tounge
stick not sick
is ever supposed to be never

there is no punctuation, even though the poems very well write you need this. i no you said its a rough draft so expand on this and build around the idea.

you do chose quite good words and arrange them rather weel for this type of poem.

so keep it up

p.s sorry don't take the criticism to heart its

Strong poem full of powerful emotion. Nicely done.