Comments : The Grand Old Man Piano lullaby

  • 8 years ago

    by Cara

    Wow, ok. This was an incredibly unique write, the meaning was a bit lost on me.. but the actual poem was very well written. I loved how you incorporated nature into it..

    And the pond waters ripple,
    As to soften the mood,
    When the Phantom fingers his Ivory prelude.

    The sky sprinkled night soft with dew,
    Almost as the earth does cry,
    To the Grand old man piano lullaby.

    ^^ Those two stanzas were by far by favourite. I really loved the nature lines.

    The flow was amazing all the way throughout the poem, the rhyming was quite original in my opinion. I really loved it.. it was a very clever write.

    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Cara

    Ok, i have a little bit more to add after reading your poem again. The message was a lot clearer and it was incredibly sad. Your poem had great imagery and it really painted such a sad and lonely picture in my mind. The thought of the piano playing its tune, against the pond.. at his loved ones grave.. just.. is too much to bear really. Your poem is amazing.. im really glad i decided to read it again, because it was definitely clearer the second time. Im blown away.. its a fantastic poem filled with indepth sadness.
    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This is really one of those poems that could stand on its own yet the lines are even which made imagine lyrics to a hit song thought the poetic depth stand alone the rhythm justb begs for a tune
    excellent

  • 8 years ago

    by H E Losey

    The story you tell is all there though a bit deeper then most. I, being "old school" search for the metre/rhythm in the poetic works I read and had trouble finding this here. Second rhyme seems a bit forced.
    As always an opinion.

  • 8 years ago

    by Quietly Versed

    I am actually surprised that you did not find the meter and rhythm to flow well. And as for the rhyme,,, the second stanza is very unforced saying exactly what I wanted it to say,,,,,that he puts on a parade or great show/spectacle while playing the piano....

    However the disagreement, thank you for the comment and read. I appreciate your honesty.

  • 8 years ago

    by Marcus

    Your poem had a lot of imagery. Your vocab was strong and it had a pretty decent flow. I didn't fully understand the concept of the poem. It wasn't sad to me. I got something different out of it. Overall great write
    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    What a flawless piece you have penned here. Woow. Youve left me speechless. I thought you did a great job, I was quite impressed with the smooth flow you have with this poem and the words that were used.. I recall here you say the tune softened the mood or something, I was completely in love with this line, I loved how softened was used in that specific line.

    Wonderful write.
    Full of emotion, and uniqueness.

    Well done,
    5/5.

  • 8 years ago

    by Annaam

    WOw... A very descriptive and strongly detailed poem. It's clear that u've worked hard on it. Great Work!

    Definite 5/5 !

  • 8 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    Loved it! I strongly enjoyed reading it, I found it a unique and very well penned write!
    You captivated me with your words and the flow made the poem easier and more enjoyable to follow 5/5

    I think your a talented writter ^^ Great work

  • 8 years ago

    by AngelicDecadence

    Oh my..

    I.. this was .. oh my.

    This touched me, in a way not many others have, it's so .. It touched me.

    I'm a bit at a loss for words right now, the rhyme scheme was carried out flawlessly, .. and the meaning.. oddly enough made me cry. I haven't done that for years. I could picture the entire scene, either early morning or late night, the piano, it's fall i believe, when you spoke of him crying from the loss.. it reminded me of my own, if this has happened to you, I am truly empathetic. The descriptions captured the reader to the point that when the words ended, you were wishing to see more, more about how the story unfolded. It's beautiful and frustrating at the same time. I'm not sure.. is there a child? I believe so, but I could be mistaken. The last line makes me think so.

    This is just.. this left me breathless. there are no word to express all of the emotions captured in this. Just.. amazing.

  • 8 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "In the twilight of tranquility,
    You may hear his tune,
    As the stars shine bright struck by the moon."

    ^^ I think it would flow better if you had this as

    In the twilight of tranquility you may hear his tune,
    As the stars shine bright struck by the moon.

    or

    In the twilight of tranquility,
    You may hear his tune,
    As the stars shine bright
    struck by the moon.

    "The ghost of the piano,
    Old Man Tolbert they call him by day,
    The fireflies give light to his harmonious parade"

    ^^ I love the imagery you portray in this verse, it creates such beautiful pictures in my mind.

    "And the pond waters ripple,
    As to soften the mood,
    When the Phantom fingers his Ivory prelude"

    ^^The only thing I didn't like about this was the fillers at the start, maybe try :

    pond waters ripple,
    As to soften the mood,
    When the Phantom fingers
    his Ivory prelude

    "The sky sprinkled night soft with dew,
    Almost as the earth does cry,
    To the Grand old man piano lullaby.

    The wise trees give offerings,
    The wind brings them to show,
    Hallowed with crimson leaves lain in his shadow.

    The moths upon his tattered suit,
    Like dancers fly and flutter by,
    With melodious alteration revel to become butterflies"

    ^^Favourite stanzas of the piece. The emotion and depth you manage to portray in these stanzas is incredible while the imagery keeps on getting better throughout.

    "When all is silent you can hear the wail,
    From the widower upon his rotted seat,
    And the tapping of her headstone pedaled by his feet.

    And if you seek the sound of life,
    You can find it amid the summer night,
    The Old Man, a baby grand, and the somber of his graveyard light"

    ^^What a beautiful way to end this moving piece! I find alot of poems to become weaker as they come to the closing lines but this is a beautiful way to wrap up such an elegant and pretty piece.

  • 8 years ago

    by Kurt

    Amazing.