Ok, i have a little bit more to add after reading your poem again. The message was a lot clearer and it was incredibly sad. Your poem had great imagery and it really painted such a sad and lonely picture in my mind. The thought of the piano playing its tune, against the pond.. at his loved ones grave.. just.. is too much to bear really. Your poem is amazing.. im really glad i decided to read it again, because it was definitely clearer the second time. Im blown away.. its a fantastic poem filled with indepth sadness.
This is really one of those poems that could stand on its own yet the lines are even which made imagine lyrics to a hit song thought the poetic depth stand alone the rhythm justb begs for a tune
The story you tell is all there though a bit deeper then most. I, being "old school" search for the metre/rhythm in the poetic works I read and had trouble finding this here. Second rhyme seems a bit forced.
As always an opinion.
I am actually surprised that you did not find the meter and rhythm to flow well. And as for the rhyme,,, the second stanza is very unforced saying exactly what I wanted it to say,,,,,that he puts on a parade or great show/spectacle while playing the piano....
However the disagreement, thank you for the comment and read. I appreciate your honesty.
Your poem had a lot of imagery. Your vocab was strong and it had a pretty decent flow. I didn't fully understand the concept of the poem. It wasn't sad to me. I got something different out of it. Overall great write
What a flawless piece you have penned here. Woow. Youve left me speechless. I thought you did a great job, I was quite impressed with the smooth flow you have with this poem and the words that were used.. I recall here you say the tune softened the mood or something, I was completely in love with this line, I loved how softened was used in that specific line.
This touched me, in a way not many others have, it's so .. It touched me.
I'm a bit at a loss for words right now, the rhyme scheme was carried out flawlessly, .. and the meaning.. oddly enough made me cry. I haven't done that for years. I could picture the entire scene, either early morning or late night, the piano, it's fall i believe, when you spoke of him crying from the loss.. it reminded me of my own, if this has happened to you, I am truly empathetic. The descriptions captured the reader to the point that when the words ended, you were wishing to see more, more about how the story unfolded. It's beautiful and frustrating at the same time. I'm not sure.. is there a child? I believe so, but I could be mistaken. The last line makes me think so.
This is just.. this left me breathless. there are no word to express all of the emotions captured in this. Just.. amazing.