Comments : Can I? (Confessions)

  • 15 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Your words could describe a lot of us at some point in our lives. Excellent work. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Cara

    This one really got to me, i dont know why. The simplicity made me curious to look further into the meaning. The first two lines were the best i think and described what so many people feel. The start seemed able to be related to and then towards the end, to me, it felt more personal to you. I liked how that was done, whether it was intentional or not.
    The flow and rhyme were good also.
    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Paiger

    I love the deep emotion expressed here. The flow is beautiful. I like how you start off with one of the most powerful stanzas :

    "I know I can't be a lot of things that I want to be
    but please don't remind me, that I'm only me. "

    I think a lot of people can relate to this stanza so it keeps them reading and has their emotions going right away. then all the stanzas in the middle are nice and strong too, and you finish perfectly :

    "I wish I could tell you about a story of good and true
    but then I'd have another lie that I'd have to confess to "

    it hits you right in the gut, and you really feel it, it gets the reader reflecting on their own life.

    great job, 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Shaun,

    When you look a people who have "made"it in this world and look really close, you will find they are just ordinary people, like us all. The thing that makes them stand out is the way in which they believe in themselves and the way in which they make excellent use of the qualities God gave them.

    Your poem made me sad, because I can feel the honesty and the sincerity behind the words and the way in which you want to be somebody ( and feel you are not, or not living up to others or your own expectations).

    Good luck on finding yourself, Shaun;)

    Take care,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 15 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    This is such a sad poem, It's a really good write however =] It's emotionly honest and very sincere. The flow was perfect and you carried emotion through each stanza very well. Great work yet again

  • 15 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Touching ... its like you have written straight from the heart ... some emotions that have been tucked up and here you have vented out everything ...

    In the starting stanza I could feel slight frustation in you ... its like when someone tries to change you and you resist ... the later parts become more sorrowful and sad ... its like there's a differnt person inside you than what people perceive you to be ... thats how I felt... beautiful

    but is a confession done while above the dirt?
    ^^ very well penned...

    wonderful read...

  • 14 years ago

    by kelleyana

    I think the most honest persons are those who are honest with their ownselves, and if these words concerned you, you are an honest person that is not searching for perfection, but trying to be the best you can. I like this poem, kel.

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    I know I can't be a lot of things that I want to be
    but please don't remind me, that I'm only me.

    *I know this feeling too well. I hate it when people tell me I'm just me...they don't understand that I want to wake up and be someone else. Nice way of expressing that. i love the two line style you got going on. Veyr simple, but each line is important*

    I was never an amazing person, or even a good one,
    I don't have anything to show for what I've done.

    *I can relate to this too. Sometimes we think we are bad people, when really we just remember the bad we've done, while others remember the good. I can honestly say I think you're a good poem. You always make me smile with your comments...now would a bad person do that? Nope. Anywho I liked this poem. I know how you feel. Great work. Nik*

  • 14 years ago

    by Andrew

    Now this is a really great poem. The flow was really superb and the rhymes made your work fun to read. You stayed withing the title that i really loved. I categorically loved this part "....see me shed a tear, not for lost love but for who i should be". It showed how much the person confessing in this poem feels and how much it hurts him being the person that he is. This was a truly amazing piece.....5/5. Keep up, you got talent.