Comments : Monsoon

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Today the sky is cloudy filled with the scent of sadness
    I feel a rainstorm coming, but hesitate to find shelter
    Standing near the edge of the sea I long to hear your voice,
    but I only hear the whistle of the wind"

    I love how you open up this piece, very descriptive visuals for the reader. You long to hear his voice, but alas you only hear the wind.

    "My love rolls in like the waves chasing after the inland,:"

    Great simile, nice work!

    "but always ceasing to reach it
    It's nightfall and you begin to appear very distant
    like the bright stars"

    Excellent wording, this is so deep and meaningful.

    "Ocean tides quietly settle,
    becoming a translucent mirror
    Below the white moon reflects on the water surface
    I try to feel your warmth,
    but only feel the blow of the breeze
    My heart hurts trying to forget your laughter"

    Wonderful words on how you truly feel, you really give the reader an idea of what you're feeling.

    Overall, 5/5 from me, this was a very detailed and pleasurable love poem to read. Take care!

  • 15 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "Today the sky is cloudy filled with the scent of sadness
    I feel a rainstorm coming, but hesitate to find shelter
    Standing near the edge of the sea I long to hear your voice,
    but I only hear the whistle of the wind"

    ^^ I frikken adore these opening lines, so much depth and emotion and the imagery you paint is just ebautiful, creates sich vivid pictures in the mind.

    "My love rolls in like the waves chasing after the inland,
    but always ceasing to reach it
    It's nightfall and you begin to appear very distant
    like the bright stars "

    ^^ I like how you're comparing your love to nature, it makes for a beautiful read, and the emotion and depth in this lines is beautiful.

    "Ocean tides quietly settle,
    becoming a translucent mirror
    Below the white moon reflects on the water surface
    I try to feel your warmth,
    but only feel the blow of the breeze
    My heart hurts trying to forget your laughter"

    ^^Favourite lines of the piece so far, it always hurts trying to forget something/someone and you portray that very well within these lines.

    "Those memories of the distant past
    can warm the coldest days of December
    The smile on your face when you fondly accepted my love
    and hoped for "forever"
    On the seashore my tears stealthily fall,
    kindly flowing to the wet surface
    Why does it seem that the distance between us
    is growing too far for me to see your warmth? "

    ^^I found this last stanza to be incredibly powerful, the way you went from the happy throes of love to the more painful emotions so suddenly made for a powerful transisition, and this was a beautiful way to wrap up this piece.