Comments : Surrender (Trinet)

  • 15 years ago

    by Sylvia

    You have done an excellent job with this form and your words fit perfectly. Each verse builds on the other and the last one pulls it together. Each time I read it over, another phrase struck me with its power. Good job and you should do more form writing. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Such a cleverly crafted poem, dear lady!!!
    I love this format, it is so ingenious and you used such powerful words, bravo!

    Take care,

    5/5 Ingrid
    ps: thank you for the big compliment to my poem, it is highly appreciated!

  • 15 years ago

    by Not Enough

    Wow... A ton of great emotin. I love it. It's done very well. It has great flow. The words you have chosen; I can tell that you've chosen them well. It's excellent. The ending is the best part, in only two words "I surrender." Amazing!!
    5/5

    Soda<3

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Excellent work, you have seriously created a masterpiece and especially in this complicated form too! I really enjoyed reading this, everything was great, the emotion, the word choice. 5/5 from me, take care...

  • 15 years ago

    by Dark Savior

    I must say that the Trinet is a very strange type of structure, I enjoy it non the less. Alright let me get to the poem.

    Convoluted tricks....I really like the wording of this, it makes you stop and think for a moment...well atleast in my case.

    I think that this is someone thinking about the past and some of the stories, as they see something that reminds them of them. The start is very fence, it could go either way then you switch to a more sad and somber story with "Morning rays drape , iciness inside , still"

    It's a very wonderful poem, a person who has been hurt and remembering what they are.

    Very wonderful read...though I can feel the pain in the poem and how much..fortitude it took to write this poem. I applaud you, for that as well.

    I enjoyed it and thank you as well for the comment on my poem, you hit the nail directly on the head with what the poem was about, I couldn't have explained it to you better than you have explained it in your comment.

    Wonderful write, wonderful read.

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    I really did like this style of poem and as I havnt seen one before, I thought this was structured really well =]
    So great job, your choice of wording added more depth into the piece and I thought it was a really interesting write.

  • 15 years ago

    by Sapphire

    -Sorry its taken me so long to comment. I had to read this over and over, because i've never read a poem like this.

    "Surrender(Trinet)"

    -The title captures me. I didn't know what a trinet was at first.

    "-------------Rising horizon
    -------------Mellowed milieu
    Sedate breeze,whispering tales,bygone days
    Morning rays drape , iciness inside , still
    -------------Lonliness pursue
    -------------Silently trickles
    -------------Solitary tear"

    -The wording you use here leaves me speechless. I love the structure, and because of the structure it makes the reader read it again and again, giving more depth to the poem.

    "-------------Distant clouds
    -------------Convoluted tricks
    Crafting cottony crystal eyes , azure smile
    Then floats away , farther,towards infinity
    -------------Leaving behind
    -------------Shadowed dreams
    -------------Deafening silence"

    -Once again, the stress of the wording, is what makes this stanza stand out as well. I love the phrase deafening silence, it feels like a transition to me.

    "-------------Glimmering moonlight
    -------------Sparkling stardust
    Remind moments , lost in time , forever
    Like shimmering dewdrop,confined in heart
    -------------Till eternity
    -------------Torturing pain
    -------------I surrender"

    -The way you end this is amazing. You end it beautifully. The last phrases are the best ones i've seen in a long time, and it lets the reader know what you were talking about.

    Beautiful structure. Definitly different than the norm. But that's what makes this unique.
    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by kelleyana

    I like the format you use to wrote this poem. The words you poured out fits perfectly. I like the ending. Very well done 5/5, kel.

  • 15 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    An oustandingly interesting write for me, very powerful and deep. I liked your choice of words and how you portraited such great imagery through out. The flow and structure of this poem was good. Your wording created great imagery for this piece, I could really visualize it.

    I really liked the style/form of this poem, excellently done, keep up the good work.

    Peace, Joe

  • 15 years ago

    by SashaMirage

    The imagery in this poem was amazing. It was very sad and yet so heartfelt at the same time. I think you did a great job in writing this style of poem. The wording was perfect and there was no confusion. The vocabulary used was great and enhanced your work. Great Job. 5.5

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    I can see how that looks like crosses! It's a bit hard, but probably because of the website (though it still shows?). You did a swell job following rules and a swell job of writing the poem. I found nothing wrong with it. Though, at times I thought the '2 words' had a hard time connecting from line to line. But, they still made sense and it followed the rules. You did a good job with it.

  • 14 years ago

    by anand singh

    You did an amazing job with this style of writing.Your choice of words and the power behind it is awesome.Indeed, a superbly penned piece and a joy to read.
    Great job.Thanks for reading and commenting on my poem.
    Paul...

  • 14 years ago

    by MS Multani

    Wow,,, jst lft gobsmacked,,, i mst admit i can relate to dis poem very well,,, amazin,,, jst amazin

  • 14 years ago

    by Jackie

    An excellent poem, never seen one written this way. 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Wow...this looked like a hard poem to write. I am awful at form poems so this really amazes me. I love the diction you used here and how soild this poem was. I love the emotions and how strong and constant they were throughout the piece. This should have been a winner. It really shows how talented and diverse you are. I loved it. Another great poem. Nik