Two Become One

by Hidden Feelings within these Words   Jan 27, 2009


Happiness, is now truly what she feels in her life.
For she has let go of all her discouragement and strife.

Every night she used to spend in distraught and cry so many tears.
Come day she would hold it all back and swallow her fears.

And then one day, a few wonderful years ago.
Came a man, but little did she know he'd be her betrothe.

But, one fall day in 06, he asked her out.
Wanting to know a little more of her and what she was about.

Feeling sorry for him, she gave him a chance.
He was charming, but she hadn't fully looked beyond a glance.

He took her bowling, that didn't go so very well.
And then to dinner, where they talked, pulling her out of her shell.

She was very quiet, and she really didn't say much that day.
He took her home and said "How about a second date, what do you say?"

She gladly said yes, and smiled, and then in relief let out a sigh.
And then hugged him and said, "I'll see you later, bye-bye"

A few days later they saw each other, they stopped and talked.
He hated soccer, yet asked her to a game, she was shocked!

They went, and had a great fun time at the game.
He'd not admit it, but he had fun. "It's not a sport" he claims.

So, from there they started seeing each other alot.
And soon she escaped her shell and was no longer distraught.

Through their dating time, they went through so much.
They fell in love and talked about marriage and such.

Then after they had been dating for a little over a year.
he bought her a ring and proposed where everyone could hear.

She again so gladly said yes, hugged him and accepted the ring.
And everyone hugged them and congratulated them on everything.

They later called to tell of their engagement to all.
They then started planning their wedding for the fall.

For the next ten months, was almost all wedding plans.
From picking out the dress, to figuring out the best man.

After all their planning that week was soon here.
The decorating and rehearsal, with family all near.

The wedding morning was here and everyone was awake.
They went to breakfast, and she had a smile no one could take.

Then off to the church the wedding party and bride and groom went.
Only to find they'd forgotten the ring pillow, so the groomsman they sent.

She had her hair and makeup done, and started to put on the dress.
She wanted to make sure everything was perfect and looked her best.

So many pictures to take before the ceremony was to start.
Thinking of all there times together, knowing we'll never part.

Looking at her family, while standing by his side.
Knowing in their home again, she will never reside.

She knows they'll always be there for her, each step she takes.
Now as they become one, and their new family they make.

They say their vows, with family and friends all around.
All the time she stands there, she knows the perfect man she's found.

Today, in a very few minutes, she'll change her name.
She'll be a grown, married woman and no longer the same.

More pictures taken, Mr. and Mrs. pronounced right there.
So much time in their lives they'll have to be together and share.

Off to greet their guests, as they are congratulated.
This day came so fast, yet for so long they waited.

They head to the reception that was following,
the bride and groom so happy, they simply were glowing.

They then go to the table to cut the cake to feed it to each other.
And then following, a toast from his best man and brother.

They tossed the garter and boquet high in the air.
They all jumped for them, without a care.

They kissed their family and said goodbye.
As they drove away, her mother started to cry.

Because her baby is now grown up and married,
remembering when she was so little, she had to be carried.

They ride off to their very own place,
and get ready for their first night to embrace.

Their love that they have for each other has grown so strong.
Married to each other is right where they belong.

And now they begin their new life together today.
May we always walk with the Lord, as one, I pray.

November 20th, 2008

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  • 8 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "Happiness, is now truly what she feels in her life.
    For she has let go of all her discouragement and strife.

    Every night she used to spend in distraught and cry so many tears.
    Come day she would hold it all back and swallow her fears."

    ^^Beautiful opening, so full of depth and emotion that it pulls me into the poem and I can't wait to read more, however I don't think you need "in" on the third line.

    "And then one day, a few wonderful years ago.
    Came a man, but little did she know he'd be her betrothe.

    But, one fall day in 06, he asked her out.
    Wanting to know a little more of her and what she was about.

    Feeling sorry for him, she gave him a chance.
    He was charming, but she hadn't fully looked beyond a glance.

    He took her bowling, that didn't go so very well.
    And then to dinner, where they talked, pulling her out of her shell."

    ^^I really enjoyed these lines, the whole getting to know someone, gigivng them a chance, is something that you've captured beautifully here.

    "She was very quiet, and she really didn't say much that day.
    He took her home and said "How about a second date, what do you say?"

    She gladly said yes, and smiled, and then in relief let out a sigh.
    And then hugged him and said, "I'll see you later, bye-bye"

    A few days later they saw each other, they stopped and talked.
    He hated soccer, yet asked her to a game, she was shocked!

    They went, and had a great fun time at the game.
    He'd not admit it, but he had fun. "It's not a sport" he claims."

    ^^I really enjoyed the imagery and the growing feelings described within these lines, beautiful way to carry the poem forward.

    "So, from there they started seeing each other alot.
    And soon she escaped her shell and was no longer distraught.

    Through their dating time, they went through so much.
    They fell in love and talked about marriage and such.

    Then after they had been dating for a little over a year.
    he bought her a ring and proposed where everyone could hear.

    She again so gladly said yes, hugged him and accepted the ring.
    And everyone hugged them and congratulated them on everything."

    ^^Favourite lines of the poem so far, I found these lines to be incredibly sweet and really warms the reader's heart strings.

    "They later called to tell of their engagement to all.
    They then started planning their wedding for the fall.

    For the next ten months, was almost all wedding plans.
    From picking out the dress, to figuring out the best man.

    After all their planning that week was soon here.
    The decorating and rehearsal, with family all near.

    The wedding morning was here and everyone was awake.
    They went to breakfast, and she had a smile no one could take."

    ^^Again I found these lines to be very sweet and adorable, and I loved the last two lines here.

    "She had her hair and makeup done, and started to put on the dress.
    She wanted to make sure everything was perfect and looked her best.

    So many pictures to take before the ceremony was to start.
    Thinking of all our times together, knowing we'll never part."

    ^^I was thrown here because up to now it's been "she," and now it's "we." Maybe change that?

    "They then go to the table to cut the cake to feed it to each other.
    And then following, a toast from his best man and brother.

    They tossed the garter and boquet high in the air.
    They all jumped for them, without a care.

    They kissed their family and said goodbye.
    As they drove away, her mother started to cry.

    Because her baby is now grown up and married,
    remembering when she was so little, she had to be carried."

    ^^Other favourite lines of the piece, the meaning here is incredible, and yet written so simply there's so much emotion and meaning behind the written words, while the imagery is beautifully painted for the reader.

    "Their love that they have for each other has grown so strong.
    Married to each other is right where they belong.

    And now they begin their new life together today.
    May we always walk with the Lord, as one, I pray."

    ^^Again I was thrown because of the "she, they" and now "we,"

    That being said, I thought this was a beautiful way to close the piece.

  • 8 years ago

    by Sapphire

    "Happiness, is now truly what she feels in her life.
    For she has let go of all her discouragement and strife."

    -The wording you used in this stanza immedieatly makes me feel happy for some reason.

    "Every night she used to spend in distraught and cry so many tears.
    Come day she would hold it all back and swallow her fears.

    And then one day, a few wonderful years ago.
    Came a man, but little did she know he'd be her betrothe."

    -These 2 stanzas are pretty good. I don't think that you should have put bethrothed because it doesn't leave the reader guessing. But it does make the reader want to know how he became your bethrothed. It did for me. =D

    "But, one fall day in 06, he asked her out.
    Wanting to know a little more of her and what she was about.

    Feeling sorry for him, she gave him a chance.
    He was charming, but she hadn't fully looked beyond a glance."

    -I like these 2 stanzas most defintely, because it showshow you and him felt. I like the both points of view here.

    "He took her bowling, that didn't go so very well.
    And then to dinner, where they talked, pulling her out of her shell."

    -The emotion changing here is vey well thought out.

    "She was very quiet, and she really didn't say much that day.
    He took her home and said "How about a second date, what do you say?"

    She gladly said yes, and smiled, and then in relief let out a sigh.
    And then hugged him and said, "I'll see you later, bye-bye""

    -I can actually imagine this happening at your doorstep

    "A few days later they saw each other, they stopped and talked.
    He hated soccer, yet asked her to a game, she was shocked!

    They went, and had a great fun time at the game.
    He'd not admit it, but he had fun. "It's not a sport" he claims."

    -I like how you put some of the dating yall did into this poem, because it makes the reader just say awww a lot, and of course we'll keep reading.

    "So, from there they started seeing each other alot.
    And soon she escaped her shell and was no longer distraught."

    -I like how you refer back to how you felt before.

    "Through their dating time, they went through so much.
    They fell in love and talked about marriage and such."

    -I can feel the poem taking on true meaning here

    "Then after they had been dating for a little over a year.
    he bought her a ring and proposed where everyone could hear.

    She again so gladly said yes, hugged him and accepted the ring.
    And everyone hugged them and congratulated them on everything."

    -Once again, something so simple, you expanded it into something different. Great Job on emphasis.

    "They later called to tell of their engagement to all.
    They then started planning their wedding for the fall.

    For the next ten months, was almost all wedding plans.
    From picking out the dress, to figuring out the best man."

    -Once again something everyone does, but you include it in this poem, and I like that because it's you telling a story

    "After all their planning that week was soon here.
    The decorating and rehearsal, with family all near.

    The wedding morning was here and everyone was awake.
    They went to breakfast, and she had a smile no one could take.

    Then off to the church the wedding party and bride and groom went.
    Only to find they'd forgotten the ring pillow, so the groomsman they sent.

    She had her hair and makeup done, and started to put on the dress.
    She wanted to make sure everything was perfect and looked her best.

    So many pictures to take before the ceremony was to start.
    Thinking of all our times together, knowing we'll never part."

    These stanzas are well thought out in my opinion, I mean they don't go into great detail about everything, but I think you wrote this wonderfully

    "Looking at her family, while standing by his side.
    Knowing in their home again, she will never reside."

    -This started making me tear up, because it lets me peek into your mind for a minute.

    "She knows they'll always be there for her, each step she takes.
    Now as they become one, and their new family they make.

    They say their vows, with family and friends all around.
    All the time she stands there, she knows the perfect man she's found.

    Today, in a very few minutes, she'll change her name.
    She'll be a grown, married woman and no longer the same."

    -I like how this woman is thinking what she is thinking, because it probably realtes to a lot of women, and this poem would probably make them cry remembeing the things they felt on their wedding day.

    "More pictures taken, Mr. and Mrs. pronounced right there.
    So much time in their lives they'll have to be together and share.

    Off to greet their guests, as they are congratulated.
    This day came so fast, yet for so long they waited.

    They head to the reception that was following,
    the bride and groom so happy, they simply were glowing."

    The description glowing makes me think of happiness, and I like how you have kept the theme of happiness going throughout this

    "They then go to the table to cut the cake to feed it to each other.
    And then following, a toast from his best man and brother.

    They tossed the garter and boquet high in the air.
    They all jumped for them, without a care.

    They kissed their family and said goodbye.
    As they drove away, her mother started to cry.

    Because her baby is now grown up and married,
    remembering when she was so little, she had to be carried."

    -I like how you don't just ise the bride's point of view, but you get into a lot of people's point of view

    "They ride off to their very own place,
    and get ready for their first night to embrace.

    Their love that they have for each other has grown so strong.
    Married to each other is right where they belong."

    -I like how this is so pure, and the wording is perfect here

    "And now they begin their new life together today.
    May we always walk with the Lord, as one, I pray."

    -This took me by suprise, but its an ending that would have someone clapping. The way you never use first person point of view in the poem, makes the ening so much more awesome.

    The structure of telling a story was perfectly right for this poem. The rhyming was very good. The point of view to me is what stood out most.
    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    First I have to say that I love the title, its perfect for this piece. Because that's exactly what happens when a couple gets married, they become one...

    "Happiness, is now truly what she feels in her life.
    For she has let go of all her discouragement and strife.
    Every night she used to spend in distraught and cry so many tears.
    Come day she would hold it all back and swallow her fears."

    Excellent intro, showing what's going on now with her and how she used to feel and act.

    "And then one day, a few wonderful years ago.
    Came a man, but little did she know he'd be her betrothe.
    But, one fall day in 06, he asked her out.
    Wanting to know a little more of her and what she was about."

    Good rhyming, simple yet deep.

    "Feeling sorry for him, she gave him a chance.
    He was charming, but she hadn't fully looked beyond a glance.
    He took her bowling, that didn't go so very well.
    And then to dinner, where they talked, pulling her out of her shell."

    Detail, you have so much in this piece, saying where they went on their first date, what they said, how it went, great work. This also foreshadows to maybe a second date because she is starting to like him and be herself, not in her shell.

    "She was very quiet, and she really didn't say much that day.
    He took her home and said "How about a second date, what do you say?"
    She gladly said yes, and smiled, and then in relief let out a sigh.
    And then hugged him and said, "I'll see you later, bye-bye"

    Good dialogue, its nice you have it here to know what they say exactly.

    "A few days later they saw each other, they stopped and talked.
    He hated soccer, yet asked her to a game, she was shocked!
    They went, and had a great fun time at the game.
    He'd not admit it, but he had fun. "It's not a sport" he claims."

    I love this part, it made me smile! Nice wording too, this shows that he his willing to do anything for her, and I just found this charming!

    "So, from there they started seeing each other alot.
    And soon she escaped her shell and was no longer distraught.
    Through their dating time, they went through so much.
    They fell in love and talked about marriage and such."

    Ahhh, a love and relationship blooming, you word this so beautifully giving the reader images and clear detail/emotions.

    "Then after they had been dating for a little over a year.
    he bought her a ring and proposed where everyone could hear.
    She again so gladly said yes, hugged him and accepted the ring.
    And everyone hugged them and congratulated them on everything."

    Nice wording, this is extremely touching, just reading this warms my heart, well any love story will!

    "They later called to tell of their engagement to all.
    They then started planning their wedding for the fall.
    For the next ten months, was almost all wedding plans.
    From picking out the dress, to figuring out the best man."

    Again, nice rhyming, very consistant and good throughout this piece. Every line is so important in this piece, giving off so much detail and in-deepthness.

    "After all their planning that week was soon here.
    The decorating and rehearsal, with family all near.
    The wedding morning was here and everyone was awake.
    They went to breakfast, and she had a smile no one could take."

    Wow, well-expressed. I don't care that this is long, its very captivating and entrancing, you didn't have me bored for one second!

    "Then off to the church the wedding party and bride and groom went.
    Only to find they'd forgotten the ring pillow, so the groomsman they sent.
    She had her hair and makeup done, and started to put on the dress.
    She wanted to make sure everything was perfect and looked her best."

    Definetly, its her big day. I love these lines, explaining what she does.

    "So many pictures to take before the ceremony was to start.
    Thinking of all our times together, knowing we'll never part.
    Looking at her family, while standing by his side.
    Knowing in their home again, she will never reside."

    Yes, well she is moving on and to bigger and better things, and she has finally found her true love, how adorable.

    "She knows they'll always be there for her, each step she takes.
    Now as they become one, and their new family they make.
    They say their vows, with family and friends all around.
    All the time she stands there, she knows the perfect man she's found."

    Isn't a wedding such a wonderful ceremony? You capture the beauty of it perfectly her, nice work. I enjoyed reading this!

    "Today, in a very few minutes, she'll change her name.
    She'll be a grown, married woman and no longer the same.
    More pictures taken, Mr. and Mrs. pronounced right there.
    So much time in their lives they'll have to be together and share."

    Excellent rhyming, this is straight from the heart, they will have their whole lives together in love.

    "Off to greet their guests, as they are congratulated.
    This day came so fast, yet for so long they waited.
    They head to the reception that was following,
    the bride and groom so happy, they simply were glowing."

    Don't you wish time could just stop at certain events? It always seems to me the best days just fly by like you said even though you wait forever for them.

    "They then go to the table to cut the cake to feed it to each other.
    And then following, a toast from his best man and brother.
    They tossed the garter and boquet high in the air.
    They all jumped for them, without a care."

    What a joyful day that must have been, I mean her heart would have been soaring!

    "They kissed their family and said goodbye.
    As they drove away, her mother started to cry.
    Because her baby is now grown up and married,
    remembering when she was so little, she had to be carried."

    That is a big step though, your daughter moving on, no longer needing you to change diapers, etc.

    "They ride off to their very own place,
    and get ready for their first night to embrace.
    Their love that they have for each other has grown so strong.
    Married to each other is right where they belong."

    Awww....how touching and heartfelt your words are!

    "And now they begin their new life together today.
    May we always walk with the Lord, as one, I pray."

    Good ending, I immensely enjoyed this and I nominated it for the contest. 5/5 from me, take care...

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