What a day(Collab with Scarredlibran)

by Frozen hearT   Jan 29, 2009


Grubby clouds blemish minds
Times I have are ample of lies,
Musing through a parallel trance
Slumber ends, from the yellow shines

Oily visage begins a fable
Freshness restored with a morning sponge
Sharpness thoughts, glazing pupils
Lines of structure, in script in black

Lines of lies, in script in grey
Thoughts incline, spiraling astray
Mysteriously unknown of any prodigy
Scrawling fables in search of glory

End of margin
Miles travel unimagined
Hatred yore, toiling sorrow
What a day... another day of tomorrow

Emir & Scarredlibran
29th Jan 09
A collaboration with scarredlibran

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by The Queen

    The idea at first was very intensed and i must agree with Cass about the ending. It made the poem somehow incomplete. Also, the word "sharpness" i think is to be revised.The repetition of lines of structure, in script in black and the word "fable" i dont think was necessary. (Still, this poem is better compare to the others ive read here.)Other than that, i think the original idea of the poem was amazing. 1st and 2nd stanzas were outstanding.

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