Comments : Lost In The Dark

  • 15 years ago

    by The Prince

    Providence.

    That title I think fits the theme of the poem, and it's a nice word too. :]

    Good poem too.

  • 15 years ago

    by Krista

    THanks Danny...but I named it with Jen's suggestion haha.

  • 15 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "Swimming into blinding light,
    strap in for this long ride.
    Find the everlasting twilight;
    look beyond for somewhere to hide."

    ^^I really liked this opening stanza, I enjoyed the emotion here, however I felt that the flow was slightly of on the last line, maybe :

    Swimming into blinding light,
    strap in for this long ride.
    Find the everlasting twilight;
    look beyond, a place to hide.

    "Show me the way, a path.
    Capture the time to choose.
    Holding me from death's wrath,
    my life you will not underuse."

    ^^I'm finding this piece to become better and better as I go along, I really liked this stanza, and the flow here is wonderful.

    "Love enduring a violent war,
    beaten and tired from pains.
    Finding that final paramore,
    holding up your broken chains."

    ^^Oh my...what a wonderful way to end this piece! Beautifully written, powerful and moving, and something that sticks with the reader.

    I love this.