Comments : Saved

  • 15 years ago

    by Bradley Peter

    This is going to be really crap feedback, and for that, I apologise. I liked your rhymes. I thought they were good. They're what I enjoyed most about this piece. However, I must say, I didn't really enjoy the piece, as a whole, and I can't figure out why. I think it just didn't flow as nicely as it could, which is weird, since, as I said, you had great rhyming. I think, (and I'm sorry for saying this) that it just seemed rather dull. It didn't really grab me.

    Brad

    P.S. Sorry for the negative comments. Believe me, I don't enjoy saying such things.

  • 15 years ago

    by Kurt

    This was well written. The rhythm is perfect and each line transitions without flaw. My favorite line has to be:

    "I stumble into the fragments of my fear"

    Just because of how well it describes an image while simultaneously giving the reader loads of emotion. Also I enjoyed the small dose of alliteration. Great write.

  • 15 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    Shattered glass breaks through the ground
    Confining the flames of a desperate desire
    The grieving chaos is devouring every sound
    Echoes are slowly silenced in the ending fire

    -->Your descriptions are vivid and clear, i can't picture it as I read. You give so much detail, in so little lines.

    Pieces of reality begin to fall off my mind
    My numb body threatens to turn into ashes
    Many sparkles of hope... Yet I feel so blind...
    The whole, eternal universe suddenly crashes

    -->Your writing is so relatable. This second stanza seems a bit forced, but still greatt [better than anything I could everr write]

    How did I get lost in this nightmare?
    I stumble into the fragments of my fear
    A suffering darkness, I can only compare
    To the cries I heard in my head, too clear...

    -->I love this stanza. Your poem just flows, with the rhyme, rhythm, and just with itself.

    I feel like I am awaking from this night
    A soft breeze begins to embrace my soul
    I open my eyes and I can sense the light
    I don't know how... But I regained control...

    -->I like the transition of this stanza, from darkness to a dimming light.

    You are carefully breathing into my life
    My heart begins to beat again, for you
    My soul heals... The world has no more strife...
    Because the story of the guardian angel is true

    -->This last stanza was my favorite. I absolutely loved the last line.

    Another great write. Another 5/5 :]

  • 15 years ago

    by Anonymous Angel

    Hey,
    when I read the title, I was curious..from what did you need to be saved? It's better then I expected. The first stanza is great, I love the words you used. The line I liked the most is, Many sparkles of hope... Yet I feel so blind... Thats just perfect! There is just one little thing I didn't really like and thats the last sentence.. maybe its just me, but I don't really think that it fits the rest of the poem. Nevertheless, I gave you 5/5. Nice work
    greets Stephanie