Comments : Spirit of the Three (Sonnet)

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Hi sweetie:)

    I am completely flabbergasted, ha ha ha!
    Oh, what a beauty you made us here, Michael:)
    Welcome back, I missed you dearly.

    ((hugs)) xx

    Ingrid

  • 15 years ago

    by Sylvia

    I have read this several times and I cannot quite figure out what the spirit of the Three is, angels, the three wise men, a family of three. Regardless of what the spirit is, this is a beautiful poem and I, as the reader, have the liberty to imagine. It is beautiful and flows extremely well. Your work is always amazing to me. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by The Prince

    May I be the first to say I have been eagerly anticipating another poem from you for some time. I wasn't disappointed, although I'd like to discuss some things with you:

    'Rays of hope arc like caressing fingers,
    Shimmering out from a virgin kissed sun,
    Dreams of promises for years have lingered,
    Breathing new beginnings, life has begun.'

    There's some crisp language here, really nicely described phrases, but I feel with an intense amount of adjectives and pre and post modifiers, you tend to loose your reader a bit. It read beautifully but it's difficult to follow when there's a lot of polysyllabic words.

    'Flurrying feathers dance on the morn' breeze
    Through a fabric of detailed devotion
    They sing joyously, lightly o're the freeze,
    Spirit of the three gifts them safe motion'

    You're a master of alliteration and assonance, you pull it off flawlessly. The archaisms added a touch to the language, making it less communicative and phonetic, and more dream like, not something describing anything modern, that's for sure.

    'Warm embraces surround and love is cast
    Paint your warm strokes across the azure sky;
    Feel the angels' song strengthening your mast,
    Sovereignty's returned, and so to fly.'

    Sonnets are difficult to write, I've attempted one before and failed haha. The rhyme here was great, and it has a good, strong flow, that reads with much cadence. I did feel however, that what you were trying to say was lost among the beauty of the words. To be honest, I don't quite understand the elements of this poem, but if you told me then I suppose I could read it more passively, instead of grasping for meaning amid a sea of long, and pleasing words.

    Overall (by the way, I enjoyed the last two lines, just couldn't say anything about them that I hadn't said before, I'd be wasting your time :]) it was a great poem, but with a little less ambiguity it'd be perfect. I'm sorry I do not grasp the concept of the poem, I understand maybe that it is about something religious? A trinity? I'm not sure, but be rightfully proud of this piece.

  • 15 years ago

    by debbylyn

    Nicely crafte sonnet...I too am curious about "The Three"...

    "Rays of hope arc like caressing fingers,
    Shimmering out from a virgin kissed sun,
    Dreams of promises for years have lingered,
    Breathing new beginnings, life has begun."

    ^My favorite of the three verses...the imagery and flow are outstanding...

    Nicely done...take care, Debbie

  • 15 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Brilliant word choice in this beautifully penned piece! Good flow and rhythm. The rhyming is not forced, vivid imagery....Excellent job!

  • 15 years ago

    by Cindy

    Micheal
    I love your sonnets and this one is beautiful.

    Warm embraces surround and love is cast
    Paint your warm strokes across the azure sky;
    Feel the angels' song strengthening your mast,
    Sovereignty's returned, and so to fly.

    The imagery in this stanza is so beautiful. It brought a smile to my face.
    Great job!
    Take Care
    Cindy

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Michael,
    You have often suggested I try my hand at certain forms, including the sonnet but, in truth, when I read work like this it intimidates me; this is a stunning piece of poetry. I would pick a line, but the truth is they are literally all beautiful. Wonderful work.
    All the best and take care,
    Ben