Comments : His and Hers Suits

  • 7 years ago

    by Cindy

    Debbie
    What a very deep and thought provoking piece. Your talent always amazes me....I'm glad your writing again.
    Love Cindy

  • 7 years ago

    by Lu

    Deb your writing is more advanced than what I can even wish for so a little question here.

    Hidden within a timepiece is sewn
    ^^^
    Would there be a , after within perhaps ?

    Deb as I read each line it was as though I were watching a movie ....

    There were so many lines that I loved

    - Peering through mist at her hazy reflection
    To everyone else, ethereal perfection
    - Lie down together, great double bed
    Burying lies as nothing is said

    Hidden within a timepiece is sewn
    A gift from his dad when he left him alone
    Two hands forever read ten forty-five
    Doors slammed shut as the little boy died
    ^^^
    This part makes me feel really sad ... You can just feel the breeze of a door closing shut. And the stillness left behind.

    Very deep read Deb ... thanks for sharing

  • 7 years ago

    by Twisted Heart

    Loved this poem, Deb. Very deep and so sad.

    "Crisscrossed in black when faith took its leave
    Hung out to dry, watermarks on each sleeve"

    Tears do have a habit of getting to us every so often. We question our faith everyday. And then when we feel we've lost it, it totally devistates us and leaves us in pain. Your choice of words and expressions was amazing.

    "Inner left pocket, the tiniest tear
    Once let her in, now there's nothing left there"

    Again, wonderful choice of words. Keeping yourself hidden even from the ones you love.

    "End of the day they're hung up with care
    Side by side in the closet two of them share
    Lie down together, great double bed
    Burying lies as nothing is said"

    Deb, this is by far my favorite that you have written. Absolutely awesome write, dear.

    He brushed it off, not a thing out of place
    Double stitched seams keep inside his disgrace
    Inner left pocket, the tiniest tear
    Once let her in, now there's nothing left there

    Hidden within a timepiece is sewn
    A gift from his dad when he left him alone
    Two hands forever read ten forty-five
    Doors slammed shut as the little boy died

    End of the day they're hung up with care
    Side by side in the closet two of them share
    Lie down together, great double bed
    Burying lies as nothing is said

    His and hers suits, make cleaning a breeze
    USA made, cover up the disease

  • 7 years ago

    by Twisted Heart

    Sorry about that Deb, I so totally goofed up my comment. Again, great write.

  • 7 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Excellent word choice and a clever use of metaphors in this thought provoking piece.

    ^He brushed it off, not a thing out of place
    Double stitched seams keep inside his disgrace
    Inner left pocket, the tiniest tear
    Once let her in, now there's nothing left there^

    I really love this stanza...

    Great job!

  • 7 years ago

    by Sweet Disposition

    Wow! I've been scanning this site for some poetry that really touches me or inspires me and FINALLY I came across your page and read this poem and you did just that. What a brilliant poem! The flow was perfect and your use of metaphors is outstanding. I really love this poem, it's going straight into my favourites and I'm going to read more of your work. 5/5