Wow this poem just pulls me right through it. I rerally like how you carefully craft this poem. The choice of words that you have chosen in this poem really brings the poem to life. I like the comparison which you have shown is some of the stanza such as hearing clearly when there is a noise... i think that things can only be comprehend when when we're in a dream.

Excellent Job
5/5

I loved that first line, straight away we're thrown into the poem's tone, although I think you meant to spell 'braking' as 'breaking'. You vocabulary was suitably simple in this piece. The flow was pretty consistent, stanzas three and four, it's a bit weaker but it's not that noticable. The third, being the weakest stanza, as I didn't really get anything out of it. In this stanza:

'I search for his light
gasping for breath
reaching out for a hand
avoiding certain death'

I think that if you said 'a light' and then 'his hand', then it'd make more sense. Just my opinion though. :)

I liked how you called the poem dreaming, so at the end we're not like 'Damn, none of it was real!' but it'd be nice to throw in a bit of scariness, like, suggesting you often have these dreams, cause at the end all dreaming does is undermine the proceeding narrative.

Job, well done though. :)

I diss agree with valedico. his light and for a hand are in the right place. buy using his light you are making a veary powerfull statement and a good medifor. i like this pome the theam is a clashi (i cant spell you know that nat.) lol but its once again a good poem. did you realy dream it or feal it or was it just a poem

Lol timmy, yeah it was a dream and creepy so i wrote about it so i could go back to sleep

Lol timmy, yeah it was a dream and creepy so i wrote about it so i could go back to sleep

Wow
this poem is amazing. my fav part was the 4th line "living simply to die"

kudos
~rm

I would love to know who you where dreaming about :-P