Comments : Starlight

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Was it all worth it,
    the pain and trials?
    Never been rejected,
    until I met you."
    `I like how you started this poem out with a question, it already gives us a sense about what this poem will be about.. the reader can infer about this with your question.. and we can expect what will come in the stanzas following. Rejection is a terrible thing, and it's not a fun thing to go through. After we go through rejection, we do wonder that question like youve said here.. was everything even worth it to begin with.. was it worth going through the pain.. to only be rejected in the end?

    "I'm not letting go,
    I refuse to drop you.
    You're staying in minds,
    hopes and expectations."
    `I know exactly what youre trying to say through your words, I've been in this position before, letting go of someone.. its something so difficult because they mean a lot to us, and we dont want to lose them.. when you let go of someone like this, personally I feel like you lose something.. no matter what. We dont feel like we can lose hope just yet because we still believe theres some left.. we try to stay optimistic and try and tell ourselves.. theres still hope.

    "Feel your warm skin,
    wrapped around my own.
    The seas taking me out,
    boats sinking beneath me."
    `I dont know, maybe its just me.. but I dont feel as though wrapped is a good word to use here, it just clashed with what you were trying to say and it just didnt sound right to me, maybe you ere trying to make it sound different and not cliche, I get that.. but still I dont feel like the appropriate word choice was used here.. see what else you can come up with.

    "Black holes and revelations,
    soaring through dismal space.
    Emptiness and quiet despair,
    keep on wishing for you."
    `I loved the word choice in this stanza, it gets more indepth into what rejection feels like, when youre left with a broke heart.. youre empty, in despair, yet.. you still are wishing to be with them. Youve captured this feeling and emotions well.

    Really, I would love to see you expand more on your thoughts.. but that could just be me. I know this is your style, but a new style would be great to see, and a nice challenge to develop your skills as a poet.

    Keep it up hun.
    5/5.