This pen

by Dark Savior   Mar 14, 2009


It's hard to deny
what's inside,
but it's something
that I must hide.

A deep void
that is empty,
this pen writes
with such empathy;

It has told tales
of pain and sorrow,
of children,
who don't know about tomorrow.

Of a heart,
that has been lost and broken,
that's been repaired and sewen.

Of death,
of those close to me,
of the pain that you can see.

It's told tales,
of things I've never seen
or of things I remember
from my dreams.

This pen has told a story
from beginning to end,
but the sad thing is
it will tell them all again...

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Alyx

    Again another incredible poem...

  • 14 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Nice write, however there is no puncuation at all, with some punctuation, I feel this peice can mend together nicer and flow better. Overall I felt it was okay, you need to work on the structure I felt as well, I don't think 2 lined stanzas/verses did this poem justice. Also, you didn't capitalize very much, capitalization is needed to distiguish the begining of sentences and words you are trying to emphisis.

    Below I will revamp your write into a way in which I feel it will give more emotion and a better read all together:

    It's hard to deny
    what's inside,
    but it's something
    that I must hide.

    A deep void
    that is empty,
    this pen writes
    with such empathy;

    It has told tales
    of pain and sorrow,
    of children,
    who don't know about tomorrow.

    Of a heart,
    that has been lost and broken,
    that's been repaired and sewen.

    Of death,
    of those close to me,
    of the pain that you can see.

    It's told tales,
    of things I've never seen
    or of things I remember
    from my dreams.

    This pen has told a story
    from beginning to end,
    but the sad thing is
    it will tell them all again...

    `````

    overall a nice write mate, keep up the good work.

    Peace, Joe

  • 14 years ago

    by Wishmaster

    Ah, the pen is mightier than the sword! (pun intended) It's amazing how the poet can turn in anything into something completely different. The poem is very good, I believe in all that you've said here.

    5/5
    Wishmaster

  • 14 years ago

    by cowgirlstar26

    It seemed kinda forced in some places, otherwise I liked it :-)

  • 14 years ago

    by cowgirlstar26

    It seemed kinda forced in some places, otherwise I liked it :-)