Only one to run to

by SHYSTY23KO   Mar 19, 2009


*i don't know exactly how to format it right so that its easy to read s that it flows right!*

See i know I've caused you more pain then you could ever bring to me,
I hear you when you say I'm low or cold, i know, and cant disagree.

But it still hurts,
when i hear about you and your shit,
But just like you did,
i gotta get over it.

But tell me how the fuc I sew together this broken heart?
There's been hard times but this might be the hardest part.

Tell me what to do,
When i only have one person to run to
but thats the person that gots me down
Nobody else can take away this frown
These feelings of loneliness are just so new,
somebody tell me what the fuc I'm to do

But there's only one person who can play that part,
and it's you Irvin because you have my heart

And my heart will be yours,
till I'm 6 feet under and my soul is above.
I put one label on these feelings,
and the label is LOVE

*any suggestions on a title will be appreciated! =)

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by 888Trinity888

    The only way I can deal with that shit is by just thinking about the moment and saying I don't give a shit about anything that happens and staying busy. but good poem btw

  • 15 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    This is really fantastic , and the title fits it well . Good job with finding one :) . It's very easy to relate to , and I really enjoyed it . The flow is so natural , and the rhymes are never forced and different . I think you did really well other than a few spelling mistakes that have already been pointed out . You deserve much more than a 4/5 for this .

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Sorry, forgot about the suggestion for titles, well here they are, hope this helps!

    "Only One Person", "The Holder Of My Heart", "Label Of Love", and "Forever Yours".

    Take care and keep writing!

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "See i know I've caused you more pain then you could ever bring to me,
    I hear you when you say I'm low or cold, i know, and cant disagree."

    First off, all of the "i"s in your piece should be capitalized. In the last line, "cant" should be "can't". Otherwise, well-expressed feelings and emotions here.

    "But it still hurts,
    when i hear about you and your shit,
    But just like you did,
    i gotta get over it."

    Capitalize your "i"s and my advice would be to be more descriptive. Try giving the reader an idea of what "it" is in the first line, because we don't know. Is it your heart? Or what?
    Instead of writing "gotta" maybe change to "must", I personally think that it has more meaning in it.

    "But tell me how the fuc I sew together this broken heart?
    There's been hard times but this might be the hardest part."

    Second line: Instead of repeating "hard" later, change the first "hard", to "tough" or "unbearable", so the wording isn't so cliche, but more intense.

    "Tell me what to do,
    When i only have one person to run to
    but thats the person that gots me down
    Nobody else can take away this frown
    These feelings of loneliness are just so new,
    somebody tell me what the fuc I'm to do"

    First line: Maybe re-word to "Tell me exactly what I'm supposed to do,"

    Second line: Capitalize your "i".

    Third line: "thats" should be "that's".
    "gots" should be "got".

    Next two lines: Well-expressed, you are so desparte and just want help.

    "But there's only one person who can play that part,
    and it's you Irvin because you have my heart"

    I agree with the above comment, when you state "play that part" it really isn't giving the reader a clear idea on what part. So I would re-word that or just go back and think about another way to put it.

    "And my heart will be yours,
    till I'm 6 feet under and my soul is above.
    I put one label on these feelings,
    and the label is LOVE"

    I personally don't think there is a need for the "LOVE" in caps, but if you want it that way, no problem. Nice wording, 4/5 from me, I do think you could go back and work on some rough spots but this was a nice write. Take care and God Bless You!

  • 15 years ago

    by Krathia

    I suggest "One person to run/turn to". Good poem, by the way.

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