Nobody's princess [effect of bullying]

I love it-it reminds me of my "aint no pretty fairy tale" =P
The flow and rhythm is great and the message is very sad yet written and expressed ebautifully.

5/5

aish

xx

I really liked the idea in the poem and it immediatly captured my attention, but there seems to be a bit of a problem with the rythm in a few lines

She stood atop the gold-lined staircase.
Everyone turned and stared.
Her gown was made of silk and lace..
And there were butterflies in her hair.
Like when it says:
"Her lips were colored cherry red,
There was star dust in her eyes.
Down the steps she slowly descended,
much to everyone's surprise."

You should change the wording in the third line so that it ends in "descend" instead of "descended"
but other than that i love this, it really give you a clear image in your mind without forcing your thoughts on the reader

She danced with all the gentlemen..
who were nearly blinded by her smile.
They all wanted to talk with her again..
they all hoped she would stay for a while.

This parts good ^
but then you just kind of skip to when she's really upset...maybe you could add something in between to explain what happened because it doesn really make sense:

But then she left in a hurry,
cheeks stained with tears.
To her, everything was blurry..
as she struggled to get upstairs.

That parts good too :)

She knew she just pretended and everything was a lie.
She stood in front of her mirror imagining it all along.
She looked at her reflection and let out a sad little sigh.
She thought she was pretty. Now she knew that she was wrong.

Again, this part (sorry, i dont know any of the proper terms im failing english :P) is really good, but the lines are too long and dont fit in with the rest of the poem, see if you can shorten them a bit :)

Everyone made fun of her and they called her names.
Even though she's a pretty young girl with all these hopes and dreams.
She's another victim of bullying..
of people who say she's not worth anything.

This part sounds akward, they're all different lengths and the rhyming scheme seems really off

She put aside the stories and the make-believe and cried and made a mess.
She repeated what everyone else told her. She was nobody's princess

I love the idea your trying to portray through the ending, its got a lot of potential, but like the last, it is kind of akward.

It needs a bit of work (im really sorry if im too harsh, i tend to sound like that but i dont mean it) you started out really well but then you seemed ti kind of lose it :\
Just fix it up a bit and it could be a really great poem :)
~Raylene
4/5