Dear Tabi:)

Such a long poem!
You poured out all you hold in your heart and in such a beautiful way.
The part in which you hope he will be happy:

I hope that she makes you happier than you ever wanted to be

^^
is so characteristic for you:)

You are such a sweet girl Tabi and with such a good heart. I hope all will work out well for you...maybe with him or a man so sweet, he will make you forget about tis boyfriend in a heart beat. You never know sweetheart. I will keep you in my prayers:)

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid

It's difficult to give constructive critiscm to something like this. You're sending it to someone, so do you care if it's perfect? All you want to do is get the message across as sweet as possible yeah?

I think the rhyme you have here makes the poem a bit flawed because rhyme limits us to what we can say. There's a lot of cliche in here too, but it's overlooked because cliche gets across your message easier if you're sending it to someone who isn't a poetry critic lol. If you weren't sending this to someone, or you hadn't indicated it, then I might be inclined to tell you to get rid of the cliche expressions.

'He obviously choose you over me for a reason. '

This could be changed, it comes across a bit bitter, I don't think that was your intention.

'My intent was far from abducting your stunning smile or inflicting pain. '

This needs to be rephrased because you've said 'abducted your' so it sounds like you're saying 'my intent wasn't to abduct your inflicting pain'. You need to break it up so it doesn't read like that.

Imagery here is a bit confused too in stanza seven. You've described her giggle with about three adjectives and it's a bit clumsy, then the last line you change to a dark and saddened tone, it's just too much of a switch in my opinion.

'You never got to whiteness'

Did you mean to say witness? Haha.

'I was walking on butterflies'

I see what you're trying to do here, but walking 'on' butterflies just makes it sound like you're literally doing that, since the poem is literal; if it was a metaphoric poem then it might sound different.

'Forbidden phone calls with enticing conversation entwined.
A hint of lust merges with a mere suggestion of passionate seduction.
Intimate giggles caress the intense but oh so decipherable silence.
More gripping than any scene conjured up for a staged production. '

Really liked this, though it was a bit of a jump in language.

Not much more to say, though I think it's a sweet sentiment and I applaud you for writing it. Not my thing but well done. :)

I really like this,
its not so much a poem that rhymes , but a written note that expresses everything you were unable to.
I hope he reads this and i hope you get some closer!

A very touching write. Long yet neatly written and great ryhming as well although the pattern was changed in some other stanzas but overall, well done..

Woooooow! Is all I have to say! It is an amazingly written poem and I think you should send it just the way it is. It is perfect. I can almost feel everything that you are going through just by reading this poem, it really touched my heart!!

I probably enjoyed reading this more than
Meghan will but i felt the emotion very strongly though the well rhymed stanzas and this one reminded me of when I marrried the woman that I would divorce

Allow our memories to vividly stumble through your mind.
Come on, let me take you back to when we first locked eyes.
We were supposed to have our heads bowed and eyes closed.
Right from the start we didn't follow the rules: what a surprise.

5>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

After three yrs dear, we need to talk, have i got a story for you.......anyways, it was a wonderfully writting poem, and i respect the fact the side note to your "friend" at least i think you guys are friends if i understood this right. anyways, wonderfull poem, and I can respect the meaning behind it. Never truly hearing his side is curious and makes you wonder how he really feels. 5/5

Such a powerful and painful thing to lose the one God made for you to someone else.
i don't know you but we have more in common than you think.

This was very long but so good. the emotion was flowing out of your word and the flow of your words was great.

keep up the amazing work.

Deanna
5/5