Comments : My darling Butterfly

  • 14 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I like your title, it caught my eye, and I could not wait to read it....

    "Tears do fall in trillions,
    battles linger on.
    Forgotten empty glasses
    break as if alive."

    A captivating first stanza that make the reader grasp each thought you are portraying. Well described, such vivid images are crossing my mind.

    "Purple butterflies,
    they fly and fly ... and fly!
    Never to gain the speed,
    of a million dragonflies."

    I noticed how you repeat the pattern of saying, "the fly and fly ... and fly" throughout this piece, but with different verbs. I found this very different and original, good idea.

    What I like about this stanza is the meaning hidden deep....You give a breathtaking description that is so true.

    "Turtles slowed by life,
    they look and look ... and look!
    Stunned by what they see,
    too bad they can't see me."

    Excellent wording, you express yourself, and all your thoughts so well in this piece, I applaud you for that!

    "Bottlecaps are opened
    to lye upon the ground.
    Misplaced by little children,
    laughing with no sound."

    Nice thinking here, you give the reader something even more to ponder, and pointed out so much.

    "The phone rings off the hook,
    it rings and rings ... and rings!
    Never to catch a break
    from gossip on the street."

    I love all the examples you give, it really makes the reader understand and give them a lot of background.

    "The pen it never stops
    it writes and writes ... and writes!
    Tired from loss of ink
    and emotions from the heart."

    Interesting wording, you worded it so differently that I found this so precious and unique.

    "Who's here to save you now?
    My darling butterfly,
    lost within the glass-less life,
    of a forgetful yearning soul. "

    Wow, what an ending! You have done a great job on this poem and there is no suggestions I have. I truly enjoyed this piece, but the ending was so sad and heartbreaking, you gave off emotions well.

    5/5 from me, take care.....

    Happy Easter!

    ~MaryAnne

  • 14 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I really love a great free flowing poem and you have shown that you have the skill to write them here