Until The Next Time

Darkness embraces the living,
As I watch the moon now rise,
Anxiety getting the best of my emotion,
Waiting to become alive.

My heart thuds a thunderous storm,
My eyes begin to burn,
My flesh lashes out in untamable lust,
Awaiting for the pain it yearns.

All around me becomes silent,
My heartbeat fills the space,
I gently reach under my pillow,
Sweat now glistens my face.

My hand touches something cold,
I caress it with wanting,
Shutting my eyes so tenderly,
The cool edges touch so taunting.

I slowly slide it out,
From under its lonely cover,
To hold it out for my unseeing eyes,
To admire my faithful lover.

It shines blissfully in the moonlight,
Its smooth blade mischievously grinning,
Telling me that everything's going to be okay,
That this numbness is just the beginning.

The world then suddenly slows,
As I lower it to my wrist,
Sighing with deep satisfaction,
When I feel its passionate kiss.

Smiling now in pleasure,
I let it sink in deeper,
Letting the warm trails of blood,
Become even steeper.

The blade laughs cruelly,
Its murderous job now done,
And I set it down beside me,
Waiting for the pain to come.

I throw my head back in laughter,
As my blood continues to flow,
I listen to my wounded heart,
And try to let it go.

My mind is crystal clear,
Adrenaline races in full motion,
My body can actually FEEL now,
My aches burst like an explosion.

Terrible sobs escape my lips,
My eyes spill over their sorrow,
I bite on my lip hard,
Not wanting to face tomorrow.

My body writhes uncontrollably,
Confused and in pain,
I let the feeling take over,
No longer feeling sane.

It passes through me quickly,
Along with my regret and doubt,
And the high reaches its limits,
Times almost out.

With this thought in mind,
I give into my greed,
I stare over my wrist,
And gratefully watch as I bleed.

Then the numbness slowly creeps,
Back into my mind,
And I can no longer feel again,
Until the next time...