Comments : Seasons

  • 14 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    I like the rhyme scheme and format that you have used here. Also the meter of this sounds good too.

    In a whisper you will be gone
    Like the midday summer breeze
    And the happiness that you spawned
    Turns to sadness like autumn leaves
    ^
    Using the seasons to reflect human emotions is a very effective and proven metaphor. Likening the whisper of loosing someone to the summer breeze, both fleeting, yet memorable in their heights, highlights this fact. Sadness and autumn symbolises goodness fading away.

    This brings along the winter weeks,
    With the long dark depressing cold
    And like the icy snowy peaks
    I have no wish to be consoled
    ^
    I like how you have drawn out the depression by painting a desolate picture of winter, also with the feeling of cold, the wish to wallow in self pity. This I am sure is something most will be able to relate to, feeling so wretched that it consumes and blocks out the sun.

    Yet spring will come and melt away
    The hidden forgotten gardens beneath
    And like hidden summers shining rays
    I show what truly lies underneath
    ^
    Spring - new life - re-birth - a time for awakening and venturing into the world again. Healing time of winter has freshened and revitalised the gardens (heart/soul) so that this garden can once again be open to admiring visitors.

    Well done

    Michael

  • 12 years ago

    by Amreen

    <3<3<3
    Great great great poem....^_^

    In a whisper you will be gone
    Like the midday summer breeze
    And the happiness that you spawned
    Turns to sadness like autumn leaves

    ^^

    Great comparisons of seasons with your love...:)
    this verse shows how your love seems to fade somewhere just like how the summer breeze in midday seems and all the happiness she brought to life seems to turn up into sadness when she is gone just like the sadness instilled as dry as autumn leaves....

    This brings along the winter weeks,
    With the long dark depressing cold
    And like the icy snowy peaks
    I have no wish to be consoled

    ^^

    Along it brings the winter weeks which seems so dull and lonely and long and with no signs to get consoled due to the isolation....!!!
    Great words and flow and has a beautiful outcome...:)

    Yet spring will come and melt away
    The hidden forgotten gardens beneath
    And like hidden summers shining rays
    I show what truly lies underneath

    ^^

    Yet life hopes that the brightness,vivaciousness and vibrant colours of spring will come soon in life that will happen when your love returns back in life and fills you with all the bliss of life and it will fade away and wash away all the darkness filled within you when you will show her what your love for her actually means....!!
    great meaning....!!

    Good flow and ending is just BEAUTIFUL....!!!!

    Good write....!!!