Comments : You

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "The look in your eyes
    The gentle touch of your fingertips
    This feeling deep inside
    When I feel the passion of your lips"

    Beautiful opening, and I like how you have a consistant rhyming pattern. Good emotions that show the passion you hold deep inside for the love of your life.

    "Reminiscing on the days so few"

    I love how you used the word "Reminiscing" instead of more cliche words like "thinking" or "remembering". Great wording here, it sounds so lovely when you read it.

    "Though they seem like an eternity
    Every step I've taken with you
    Has brought out the best in me"

    Such heartfelt words and thoughts you have shown, carry on.

    "Turning the pages to look forward together
    More days of happiness, fun and laughter
    May this not be an unhappily never
    But a happily ever after..."

    First line: Excellent description, this made me think about how every page of your life together will build up more and more till your love is stronger than ever.

    Second line: That's truly a joy to have such a love in your life that every day you can look forward to seeing them, what good memories will be made.

    Third line: I thought this was very different, uniquely worded.

    Fourth line: A cute ending but my one suggestion would be to add another word after "a", I think there are not enough words, but that is my opinion. Maybe add "truly".

    5/5 from me, a short but meaningful write that for sure touched my heart.

    Take care and God Bless!

    ~MaryAnne

  • 15 years ago

    by CanUKissAwayMyPain

    The look in your eyes
    The gentle touch of your fingertips
    This feeling deep inside
    When I feel the passion of your lips

    ^Awww... Lovely indeed. the way he makes u feel indeed just by his touch. has many can relate to this. passionate n strong feelin are right here just in this part

    Reminiscing on the days so few
    Though they seem like an eternity
    Every step I've taken with you
    Has brought out the best in me

    ^I Wouldnt change a thing or word here. cuz it perfect how it is. this wen i read it put an image of the moon. with the cloud around it and the moonlight shinin together they make a beautiful night sky. just got that from that part

    Turning the pages to look forward together
    More days of happiness, fun and laughter
    May this not be an unhappily never
    But a happily ever after...

    ^I love it. you writen a beautiful , amazing poem here. please do keep it up!
    5/5

    TaKe Care,
    Frenchy

  • 15 years ago

    by The Prince

    As far as a 'dedicated' poem goes, it's pretty good. But, I as a reader got nothing from this. There's no metaphor and lines like:

    'This feeling deep inside'

    Are obscure because as a reader, we technically have no idea what you're talking about.

    I liked these lines

    'Every step I've taken with you
    Has brought out the best in me'

    The poem holds nothing original, or unique but is sweet and that will do, as longs you aren't thinking of submitting it into a competition or anything.

    Thanks for sharing :)

  • 15 years ago

    by Nanita

    (: I could feel the words strinking, very strong. It's an amazing feeling to have that one person that makes you feel so many wonderful things. Good Job!