Deana I can't even begin to say how much this piece touched me.

Oh, this feeble mind does wander
To those years so long ago
Master wrapped us in his chains
Hearts were singin sad and low
^^^
I love how you repeated this part near the end of the poem. I can almost visualize this lady looking back to her time ... shaking her head in disbelief and wishing "if only these tough times " we have ... could of only been hers. To of gladly traded "her pains" for the "pains of today"

Supposin you aint happy
No fancy vacations and all
I hear ya sayin "times are hard"
Rememberin the sweat
On the backs of my people
along with the stripes!
^^^
Deana ... how this touches me. How we sit sipping our tea and whining that perhaps we don't have that few extra dollars for that luxurious vacation ... while this lady could only dream of "freedom" as her vacation

Smart man, Pa
Wish he could've seen the day
A black man became president
Aint bout color though
It's bout bein free
to choose
to make things better!
^^^
Deana I can't even begin to think of a better way to end this piece.

Brings you to tears doesn't it? Just thinking how we take so much for granted. (I know I am certainly guilty of that from time to time)
And how we do really have everything .... because WE have our freedom. Yet we constantly want more ... yet we have the greatest thing of all "FREEDOM"

Deana your words have spoke to my soul!
And touched me so deeply.

Thank you for sharing this write ... if only the whole world could read these words !!!!!!!

Wonderfully penned ! Deep, touching, impacting write

I would like to comment before I begin, I really loved where this idea came from.. in reading a poem in the eyes of someone who lived a hundred years ago gives us the ability to undersatnd how things have changed so drastically over the years. A really unique piece this is, to write in the eyes of a slave.. and from their perspective. Great choice.

"Oh, I hears ya!
complainin bout everything.
Guess aint nothin right in your world.
women on welfare
A shame they say
State feedin their younguns!"
`The language here absolutely perfect and correct for that time period. Youve also got the supportive facts exactly write in your words, what life was like back then. I think this really makes your poem stronger.

"Oh, this feeble mind does wander
To those years so long ago
Master wrapped us in his chains
Hearts were singin sad and low"
`This is sad, but true. Youve really captured this moment well, the whole idea of the people becoming slaves and being wrapped in chains by their master, and the emotions going through them.

"Supposin you aint happy
No fancy vacations and all
I hear ya sayin "times are hard"
Rememberin the sweat
On the backs of my people
along with the stripes!"
`This was powerful and strong, it sends the reader a message, to not complain about things, because people had it worse than us however many years ago.. they didnt have the luxaries we have now.

"I hear theres lots of rules now
About raisin the little ones
Abuse! it's been outlawed
Now that's good
Remember, Master Tom
Took my little Peter
Right from my beggin arms
Left me achin inside."
`Youve done soo well with this piece, I'm very impressed. I can hear this slave talking oh so clearly almost as though they were standing in front of me reflecting back and speaking about their time and the difficulties they encountered. This poem really touches the reader, definatly has given me chills.

"Say your havin trouble
makin ends meet
Remember once,
pretendin I wern't hungry
So my little Sophie could eat
without feelin bad
weren't enough to go round."
`Another sad moment, but the absolute truth. Back then, there wasnt enough food to go around people had to share, because there wasnt enough for everyone. Some left un-hungry because of this.. sometimes even giving their food up to other people so they could eat.

Loved your reptition of the one stanza.. its perfect!

"Wish he could've seen the day
A black man became president
Aint bout color though
It's bout bein free
to choose
to make things better!
Had ya lived my life...
they're better!"
`Gosh your words are perfect.. they speak so much wisdom and truth..

Im speechless. Youve really touched the reader with this piece, and brought forth some strong points and messages to the reader.

I really enjoyed this, it was a pleasure to actually get to read something interesting for a change.

5/5.

Temps [Beyond a Poets Mind]

Bravo. This is one of the best writes I have seen in a long time and we should all take heed at the words you have written. Well done.

I absolutely love what you did here Deana, I am glad I submitted the challenge, you did a great job.

Oh, this feeble mind does wander
To those years so long ago
Master wrapped us in his chains
Hearts were singin sad and low

Supposin you aint happy
No fancy vacations and all
I hear ya sayin "times are hard"
Rememberin the sweat
On the backs of my people
along with the stripes!

^ I thought these along with the beginning stanza was a good smack at us nowadays. We find so much to complain about and so many of us don't bother looking back at what was overcome to allow us the life we live today.

Say your havin trouble
makin ends meet
Remember once,
pretendin I wern't hungry
So my little Sophie could eat
without feelin bad
weren't enough to go round.

^A great remembrance of sacrificing for children and doing what you had to do to make sure they didn't go without, even if you had to.

A beautiful write Deana.

^there's a problem I've always had with this line, if it ain't about color, than why was black used in the description?

Just to clarify....It is not about the fact of choosing a "black" man but about having the freedom to do so. In that time that would not have been an option because of his color!

I hope you are proud of this piece, the character was instantly likeable and you brought the whole piece alive with a simple narrative, not too overburdened with images and metaphor. I can't really add to the above, and I could go on all day but I won't. I have no critique for this - you did a fantastic job, bravo. :)

Deana,
Oh my dear heavens! This is the most remarkable piece of yours and among my very favorites of everyones. You were able to place yourself into an era bygone and speak the language and most likely the tone of what the character would have said. I have oft heard my grandmother use some of this speak. She worked in the fields right beside these women when she was younger. Yes, even after slavery was a thing of the past they still had to make a living and worked the fields. You have done such a beautiful job with this and your growing talent astounds me to no ends. Great Job on this.