Stumbled steps. (Elegy)

That was written beautifully...

I liked the point you made of "one word." Very powerful. Strong in it's admission of "if only." Well said, overall. Good write.

I really liked the flow of this poem. Excellent job:)

Well done with your title.. loved the alliteration.. it attracted my attention and drew me in.

'Naive, the blackouts were disdained - unknown to us
as your secret life began to shine with shame.'
`I love your word choice, loved the consanance [sp?] of shine with shame.. loved how you worded that..

'One word could of prevented our many cries, one word
may have broke the chain of lies. One word.'
`Chain of lines was amazing, how many lies and how they link together almost, possibly never ending. Also great job with the repetitve of 'one word' you truly emphasize this in this stanza, which is powerful.. because its a strong message your trying to get across..

'Yet your vocabulary lacked all that we desired,
such pleas for protection never crossed your mind.'
`Simply said .. I cant really critique this, just praise it for the way it was worded.. wonderful.

'You promised me a hero to catch me when I fell
yet all I got were empty promises
and a step stumbling farewell.'
`I loved this ending, it was well written. This person promises to catch you, yet didnt in the end. This refers back to the part where you said it was a 'chain of lies' .. what a sad ending.. how you end up with just empty promises. The last line was amazing 'step stumbling farewell' - great work..

:)

I really like your style of poetry im glad you posted to me =] Yor chioce of wording is once again really good! your very artistic with how you portaray your poetry. The rhyming scheme worked quite well once again and your flow was carried throughout nicley! 5/5